“Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever, in which every chapter is better than the one before”

C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

Dad, Chaplain Colonel (R) Harold T. Carlson wrote “If I Could Heal” to Mom, Judy Raye, in late 2021. She had begun to be quite sick from colon cancer after her bout with Covid-19.

IF I COULD HEAL

By: Husband, Tim, Christmas 2021

If I could heal, just gently touch the redness in
Her eyes.

If I could bring the color back,
Remove the cares that rise.

If I could hold her tender cheek,
Assure her it’s all right.

If I could fling the darkness out,
And bring the hope, surprise!

If I could lift the heaviness
And know it was all gone.

If I could carry her all day
And know she’s nearly home.

She’s nearly whole & sound of mind. As carefree as a bird

I’d journey long and hard
To see she understood.

The deep, deep loving grasp of God, who never will let go.

The only One who brings
White eyes and smiles
And chases woes.

And lets her know that
Light now reigns & fears & dread are gone.

I now defer to One so strong that wishes for my one-

Are coming, coming like the dawn, I think they’re almost home.

Lovingly,

Tim

**********

A SONG FOR JUDE

By Dad, March 2024

To Judy

If I were to write a song for Jude,

It would not be of gloomy mood,

It would not be of fallen breast,

Or scrawny legs that only rest,

That work so hard to simply stand,

So I must always hold her hand.

Then touch her forehead as she rests,

And hope some movement in her chest

Gently speaks, and says to me,

“I’m still here, so stay with me.”

No, if I were to write a song for Jude,

It could only be of buoyant mood,

Of camping way down by Valdez,

Of walking Tundra on her leash,

Of crackling ice from Chena’s thaw,

Of tender Scotch Pine I did saw,

For Christmas & the Beresford Clan,

And celebrate with all we can,

And play and sing as keys she’d play,

And croon and belt out any tune.

And marvel, as her pen she took,

And crafted more than just one book,

And raised her hands & praised

Her God with words of wonder

I applaud. No…, if I wrote a song

For dearest Jude, I’d never write 

Of dark or crude, or sad or dismal, or despair,

or anything to cloud the air.

I’d only write of things that soar,

that touch upon the one called ‘Mor’

and thank my God He gave to me

the dearest gem I’ll ever see!!!

Tim

***********

Judy Raye Carlson. Our dear Lady in Pink.

YOU MAKE GROWING OLDER PRETTY

By: Elnora Lee (Carlson) White, 28 July 2010. Written for Mom on the occasion of her 64th Birthday.

Okay, I may see some white
Shining like a wintry night
Upon your winsome head.
wise, playful eyes inspire the dance.
Your youthful spirit seeks romance.
Not in the Kiss, but in the chance.
To dream a girlish heaven.
And Sample it on earth.
A pot of flowers, a loaf of bread.
A painted scene, a tablespread.
You’ve simply found the worth:
Each morning is a birth
Judy; brave, frank, kind & witty.
You make growing older, pretty.

By: Elnora Lee White

***********

For Judy & Tim, by Ruth Arlene (Carlson) Phillips; beloved sister, Beresford, SD, 2024.

YOU and ME

I keep place settings now for two

One set for me and one for you

for I was me when life began

and still without you I am me

though modified, solo I’ve cried

but yet the me remains

and will persist until too I am changed

but in the meantime lend a voice

and personage to things of choice

Perhaps it’s an artistic share

Some deepest thoughts

or doing things

for which I care a lot

and did when we were two

Someone may need

what only I can give

Some silence mitigated

Some comic relevance for smiles

Some quirky styles

I’m better now because of you

We were an awesome pair

Amazing how we did all things together,

how much I’d rather do

I’ll keep the place settings for two

until, my Love, we’ll share a toast to

immortality

where still you’re you and I am me

Ivwrap

Love, Ruth Arlene (Carlson) Phillips

***********

Mama’s Magic by Annalisa, April 2024.

It takes a Heap o’ Livin’, old Edgar Guest once said.

He talked of babes & death, too, and of those words we read.

Now we’ve had a heap of livin’, in this cottage by the wood.

She’d knead the dough , she’d stir the soup, “Please can we have a taste?!”

The grandkids with their playing, their Mor Mor called it good.

She’d set up tiny tables, with dollies at their tea,

She spread the freshest beds for them,
her quilts, our luxury.

Carl Larsson was her Muse, the homie scenes he’d drawn.

The reds and whites, & woodsome hues, she brought it to our home.

Faded apron hung on the kitchen peg,
ready to frame her waist.

Her recipes were stained with use, sweet wafting smells of bread,

she lived the Proverbs she loved so well, she laughed at days ahead.

Winter was in her heart, with sparkling icy scenes.

Spring was loved, fall adored, but snow’s white trumped grass greens.

Knitted cloaks and skidding skates, for Jude, Jack Frost was ever late.

Oh! to ride just one more time, doubled on Lady’s back.

Astride with you, was heaven’s cue, God’s love it had no lack.

Jane Austen’s on the screen, there’s a journal by her bed, the magazines strewn by her chair, it’s a home where books are read.

The children gathered round her, a magic world she’d spun.

We clamored each to have her time, & her soul saw every one.

C.S. Lewis, Chesterton, Tolkien on her tongue, God gave her myths to call her own, so with the Greats, she’s one.

Women loving homey things, husbands, children, baby clings.

Her love for Jesus spurred her on, his light shown in her face.

She never met a dark soul, whose pain she wished erased-

that she would not give words of hope, and point them to the Lord.

How many will walk the Golden streets
cuz our Mama shared His Word.

My Mommy is not here now.
Not here to hold my hand.

Not here to tell me, “Don’t work so hard” Not here to understand.

Not here to call me Dolly Girl,
not here stroke my face,

Not here to love me tenderly,
because she’s run her race.

Not here to tell me “It’s all right”,
Not here to say goodbye,

Not here, but with her Savior fair,

Lord, in heaven I won’t cry.

So Edgar Sir, a home like hers is what you must have known.

A heap o livin’ is whats she’s given, and now she’ll lead us Home.

Annalisa, for Mom, May 2024

**********

GOD TOOK HER

And so God took her,

He took my dearest friend,

He took our times together,

He brought them to an end.

There’s no way to retrieve her,

No way to gain again,

No way to be together,

No way to hold her hand.

No way to hear her playing,

Or listen to her read,

No way to take a little walk

Or plant some garden seeds.

I know I shouldn’t blame Him,

I try not to erase

The many thoughts that linger,

That darken day’s dark face,

There’s nothing to replace her,

The empty, hollow place,

Is deeper and much sadder

As each new day I face.

He took my dearest Judy,

She’s gone, it’s hard to face

Today or next tomorrow

Or work and try to chase

Away the thoughts that linger,

That dampen now my face.

Your Husband, Tim

CH COL (R) Harold T. Carlson

**********

MY ELISHA BLOUSE

By Elnora Lee (Carlson) White, March 2023

Mom, she smelled so fresh,
faced each new morn
with tender confidence.

Crisp, like the white blouse
on my chair,
sprigged with flowers,
a thrift-shop ware.
Mom wore one like it once.
Though not my style,
it’s got her flair,
colored like springtime,
not this damp March air.

They say if March comes like a lamb it goes out like a lion.
It’s still winter- you’re here!
But till spring, Mother Dear,
is your spirit dormant lying?

That sure step and flash of the eye, the conquering of your days?
Have they shrunk and gathered
like a seed from the heart
of a flower floated away?

I’ll put on my “new blouse” today,
like Elisha’s “mentor-mantle”.
Did that prophet aspire to be more than his muse?- Elijah
left earth in a fire.
What e’er your chariot may be-
Don’t hasten, Dear Mom!
For we’re longing to see-
your spirit push up from the soil.

When like March you go out like a Lioness free…
The blouse you leave
is more than enough mantle for me,
and surely worth the toil.

~Elnora Lee
10 March 2023

**********

45

By Nels: for Mom on Mother’s Day 2022

Forty Five Souls

Intimately Intertwined

Forty Five Lads and Lasses

Do you see them?

1+2

O what the Lord can do!

Then 1+2+3

Why not 4?

And then some more!!!

When you love

As the Savior did

Beckoning them come

Kid by kid

Then you’ll see

His gracious hand

Then you’ll know

He has a plan

The One who called us

All by name

The friend of sinners

Christ our King

Who helps us

Wins us

At all costs

Our God Messiah’s

Triumphant cross!

And 44 on earth today

One day in Heaven

All we pray

And thanking our Father

Who art in Heaven

For this blessed family

He has given

Thank you Mother

For your love

You’ve been honored

From above!

Love, Nels

************

I WILL NOT RUN

Written by Dad after 1 month without Mom

I will not run from grief

I will not stay my tears

I will not deny my sorrow

I will not say I have no fears

I do not know the days before me

Nor what another one will bring

But I know who’s here beside me

It’s only Him to whom I cling.

Tim, 2 Jun 2024

**********

SADNESS HAS FOUND ME

Sadness has found me

Sorrow so deep

Sadness has found me

Bothered my sleep

Sadness it presses

Won’t go away

Sadness distresses

Darkens each day

All feels so empty

Days seem so long

All that was beauty

Now is all gone.

Fresh dirt now covers

All that is past

Nothing recovers

Our love couldn’t last

No bright tomorrow

Now do I see

No voice to greet me

No time for tea

Death is so mournful

A true terrible blast

Will I recover,

Somehow move past?

Move on from this sadness

This grief I deplore;

Will anything ever

Replace my dear ‘Mor?’

Tim, 2 Jun, 24

**********

Poem to Mom from Kristian, 4 May 2024

HERE IT’S JUST ALWAYS HELLO

Never another goodbye?

Never a sad farewell?

Never her voice to hear on this earth?

Never our hearts to swell?

I can’t quite contain it

To not kiss your face,

No can’t frame this

But never another goodbye?

Never to hear your dear sigh?

Mom, we want to touch you

To feel your Norwegian charm

Mom I want to lie next you

enwrap your small self in my arms

Mom I want to hear you

Mumble the “I love yous” so soft

Mom I want to feel you.

Speak to my soul what’s Lost!

I know your waiting

Right round the corner, that Bend

To meet me “Hey Kit where you been now?

There’s such a glad story to tell

You won’t believe the place

He kept for me, he’s got more rooms than we know what to do With

With me, with Him; with Pat, Joey & Christian

With Mabel & Elmer & Ira, baby Phillip

And Harold & Marilyn & Verma

But the sweetest part of all, Kit, is

He’s here!

and we see Him & touch Him

and we laugh & we romp & we play!

And we worship & jump and we shout Son

Just to start & begin a fresh day

We won’t grow old round here son

We just keep growing all up in Him

It’s lovely the colors—the sights Son;

it’ll be forever to take it all in

Yes there’s animals! How could there not be? when such a Creator we’ve got

And there’s smells all the best ones you love there

Like cinnamon, earth and cedar

All the things a Norwegian girl needs here

Excepting one really big thing

It’s you, & Tim and Alida

And Nelsie & Libs and Grande

And Annika, Anna & Dembr.

I want them & Hannah, come in!

So I’m waiting for your special call home

When some word that you’ll never more hear

I think it’s something like “bye bye”

Or some kind of word like “farewell”

Cause Kit, all I’m learning in Heaven is that here it’s just always Hello

To all that’s good & perfection

To all that’s fresh & compels

To hopes & to portals, & gates

And to rivers and Glass…& tall trees

Where you’ll never get tired or forgotten

And all that you’ve felt Down Below

Is really a taste -oh- a shadow

Of Jesus when He bids you, “Shalom!”

**********

DADDY WEEPS

By Nels

Daddy weeps

Cuz Momma’s gone

Daddy weeps

And can’t go on

Daddy’s crying

Day and night

Not used to lying

Alone at night

And tender mercies

From heaven flowing

Down upon

The old man’s pate

He’s crying

For the the one he loves

The tears that come

Don’t come too late

And all his children

They’re around him

With their children—

Babies too

No one at all

Dear mother forgotten

No one at all

Ain’t grieving too

And she’s in Heaven

No wetness showing

Anywhere upon her face

Too radiant

And holy glowing

To ever feel

The pain she ate

And Daddy’s crying

But still he’s knowing

That one day too

They’ll come a day

When reunited

Savior showing

Them together

In His new way

And they’ll be laughing

So merry laughing

As they think on it

By and by

Together with Him

Never dying

Never crying

No more again

Yes he’ll think on it

Never dying

Never crying

No more again

Love you Daddy, Nels, 14 May 2024

**********

MADE WHOLE

A Poem For Mom (By Nels)

Father, when will I be whole?

In a little while child, a little while.

But when will I feel whole?

When the stars are reborn

And The Great Sea gives up her dead.

When will my mind be whole, Father?

When the Trumpet sounds

And the Sons of God are revealed from

Heaven.

When will my heart be whole, Father?

When your Savior comes, when He comes.

He shall surely come.

And His light shall shine upon us, His eternal

light, and there shall be no more night.

There shall be no more night.

Nels Nathanael Carlson

07 SEPTEMBER 23

**********

HEAVENWARD
A Poem for Mom, Nels Nathanael

A little while and I will see you
A little while and joy will spring!

A little while and peace forever
A little while then Christ our King

A little while to serve and labor
And then our task on earth is done

Forever’s waiting ‘round the corner
We will feast with Christ the Son!

A little while dear saint to bear it
Though never forsaken on the way

A little while the joys and sorrrows
Until the bright FOREVER Day!

So let us now His business share in
With the saints whose share is done

Always rejoicing, praying, seeking
Looking Heavenward to things above!

By: Nels Carlson, Judy Raye’s Son

10 May, 2024

***********

SO THIS IS GOODBYE THEN

Nels Carlson, A Poem for Mom

So this is goodbye

Farewelling my oldest dearest friend

So this is goodbye, Mother that I love

Where do I begin?

My soul wrapped up in yours Mom.

I’m comforted by the truths I know

The Savior’s love, His place for us

I’m comforted by His friends below

So tenderly speaking as you go

But goodbye will break you

Crush your soul

I see the tomb, so dark and cold

So life-erasing, silent, deafening

So mocking, hateful and dead.

And Christ stood weeping

Jesus Wept

For reasons I can’t fully tell

But weeping with me, Savior Friend

Let’s weep awhile until the end.

And then when weeping’s days are done

And memories flood of our lives’ good past

Images of you precious Mom,

Dad, Alaska, bread and Anna,

Lizzie, Nora, Leeds and Kristian

Faith and love, and good decisons

Music, Chad, and Kirsten, Joey

It’s all too much, but in me knowing

I am never walking only solely

Savior, Keeper, make me holy

Father, Master, purchased for You

All glory to You and hope be through You.

This chapter closing, like a book

That mother penned with her own soul

Pages written that she lived in

Hearts forever changed and lifted

Mor Mor dear, or Judy Raye

I’m still praying, day by day

Christ be with you,

Christ be in you,

Christ around you,

Christ to cheer you,

Christ to lift you,

Chin or head,

Christ in glory,

Beside your bed,

Christ our Savior

Friend and Keeper,

Always with you

To the end.

Nels, Judy’s Son, April 2024

*********

28 Feb 2024, Dad’s Poem

TAKE ME TO THE TOMB

I live with death,

Not just the caskets

Or the graves,

Not just the tender words

We save to tell the ones

Who now are gone,

To their forever lasting home.

And all of that, with joy

Or pain, I process as I here remain and wonder…,Lord, I wish I didn’t,

When those the nearest

Death will tear us,

Pierce us even once again,

And leave an ugly, gaping hole.

And so, today I ask,

As here in Morganstuen

I say, Lord, take me to Your tomb,

that stony hewn out empty place,

That comforts me and makes my face, less drawn,

Quite hopeful, and not sad,

To think that now, or any day,

earth’s breath, if taken then away,

is really never, just the end, but

Empty, becomes full again,

Of all that’s life and lives

And smiles and there remembers, never cries,

But shouts with joy, the Tomb was full of Treasures,

life so happy and So pure,

so now, I want to think each day

About, not death, and those away,

but in my thoughts always make room

to not doubt that Empty Tomb!!!

As Hallelujahs fill this room!

Chaplain COL Tim Carlson

***********

May 2024, Nels’s Poem for Mom

SPRINGING INTO ETERNAL LIFE

When a babe is born
Into this world
There is pain

When the mother cries
And toils and stirs
There is pain

And when we leave this world
For Heaven’s Gate
There is pain

But oh the joy!
The rapturous joy
That a mother then has on her face

Like the face of our Savior
When we’ve run our race
And there is no more
Pain

”He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Mom, I will love you always…

-Nels

On the day Mom went to Heaven, the below were Nels and Mom’s last words

Nels: “Mom, I’m so sorry you’ve been sick and throwing up. I hope Dad can hold your hand and kiss you on the forehead or on the cheek.”

Mom: “Ok, thanks Nels. Love you.” 1 May 2024

**********

Mother’s Day 2023, A poem from Nels for Mom

—For Mom, Momma Jude, Mor Mor, My dear mother

50 DEGREES

‘50 degrees and will reach 65’

Douglas Firs are waving their bows

The Western Red Cedar stands stately

Overlooking the Hemlock, Spruce, & the Maple

A mother you were, already times four

And I, a second-born son,

Looking up to you through infant blue eyes

All wrapped in God’s wonder and love

And the oak leaves were green, with a

softening yellow

The Maples soon flashing of red

And the Mighty Pacific’s breeze on your face,

Not far seagulls cry overhead

And the Silvers are running

& spawning upstream

As a woman cries with a sigh

For she knows her wee one is nigh

And God made you my mother

And I, your own son,

And that I always will be

In September, in Tacoma, in Washington fair

By the ocean, the salmon, & trees.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom, You inspire poetry, Love, Nels

*********

May 2024, a poem by Judy’s Niece, Charity (Carlson) Stadler, “In Honor of Your Wife Mother & Mor Mor Judy.”

HER ESSENCE

Her essence was truthful
Her accountability inspiring
Her wit quick
Her competition fierce
Her light beautiful
Her smile charming
Her laughter catchy
Her tunes carried on
Her touch welcoming
Her eyes sparkly and kind
Her patience tested
Her mouth spoke wisdom
Her words weren’t flat
Her hands at craft
Her family well fed
Her song echoes praises to the King
Her fingers and piano dear friends
Her bread and rolls warm and delicious
Her teaching in word and letter
Her kindness even when undeserved
Her quietness in heart observe
Her submission to Christ
Her teaching authority in matters of the heart
Her guiding way in choices
Her life forever changing and affecting others
Her purpose in Christ obeyed and fufilled
Her legacy lives on

Her children grandchildren and great grandchildren will carry on and live each the life God calls them
Hold the torch prepare yourselves for the great things the Lord has in store
The bright light of Jesus in her shines also in you
Blessed are you who come in the name of the Lord you will not be forgotten for His love endures forever
Sing His praises at the gates
Share his good news in the courts
Boldly and courageously for He is with you so who can be against you
Fear not for He is your God
Follow His call on your life
Fear Him and humbly study His word
Fill your being with Him until your cup overfloweth
Lie down in green pastures and be comforted

***********

I NEVER KNEW

I never knew when I would grieve,

How much was taken,

Not received.

I never knew the taste was gone,

The lilt would leave, and so the song.

I never knew, I never long

So much to be just all alone,

And never think if I’d belong,

Or even care if anywhere

There was a place I’d care to be.

I never knew that grief could take,

So much from me,

And even make my arm to ache

and wonder if my Heart would stop

or maybe worse, a vessel pop,

or clot make me a total flop,

A vegetable who couldn’t

Cough or think or reason

Or begin to try to live my life again.

I never knew, I never knew,

But grief is real, I deeply Feel what it has done,

What’s by my side,

And it forever ’twill abide.

Tim Carlson

6/10/24

IF: With love for Judy Raye, Harold T. Carlson

If my heart is weak & heavy,

If within no strength I find,

If my sadness has all darkness,

And no ray of light doth shine,

If my soul is weak from sorrow,

If life itself is just a grind,

If I wait for sun tomorrow,

Will the light maybe remind,

Of something far beyond the morrow,

Something way above the stars,

Some closer where Thou dwellest,

But not distant from me now,

Something high above my sadness,

Stooping, gently I feel now,

Wiping grief’s bereavement from me,

Tender, gentle, loving how…,

All that’s lost is moving from me,

All the deep, deep hole that binds,

all the deepest, precious memories,

ever near me, treasured of the sacred kind,

gone from time, but not forever,

for that is where He says I’ll go,

“Forever now,” He whispers to me,

“Forever now, I made it so,

forever now, Dear Tim, I’m with you,

and from you, I’ll never go!”

**********

GANDY’S GRIEF: a Poem by Tim

It wasn’t there, or anywhere, where he would lay his head. It was indeed a special place while Judy lay in bed.

He seemed to know his friend was gone, she never filled his dish, she never gave fresh water, she never threw a kiss..

Somehow, I think, he knew that something had gone wrong.
Somehow, I think, he felt our home was soon to lose its song.

As Judy Raye, from day to day, her head she tried to rest; she tried to eat, she tried to drink, she tried, and did her best.

So Gandy, well he slipped away, he needed time to grieve. He didn’t know that she would die and he would have to leave.

And so today, as I walked by, the place where he would lie, up on the roof under the edge, he felt so safe thereby.

And then as nighttime came to fall, and to the door I’d go, I’d call his name; I’d call out loud and linger so he’d show.

But now, as I went out to work, out there in the shed, I looked up high, I looked down low, no Gandy on his bed.

I never thought I’d cry a tear because a cat was gone. I never knew I cared at all, until this day at home.

I walked outside to do a chore and then it came to me, there is no cat, there is no wife, no daughter now with me.

But Gandy, you were right to go up there upon the roof, your grief was real, I understood just why you were aloof.

But I’ll go on, for it’s a must, it’s part of life, you see, we all must die, when it’s our time, it’s only God we see.

So Gandy Man, God understands, he knew what you would need, he knew I couldn’t care for you,

And give the love complete, that those now far away, but not so far from you, now give to you, most every day ’til all your grieving’s through!!!

Tim

**********

A WONDER MADE: Kristian for Mom

We never knew there’d come a day

We never knew the 1st of May

We’d not have got that bird song stops

Nor how Gandy the Nest would fly~

We never knew a day would come

When cats their corner might betray

A day when all their pulsing play

would end

I never knew the universe I know without you Jude might keep its Sail

Anon, Anon, return to Dad

Please come and lift his visage sad~

We never knew a volume of verse stacked Moon high

‘twould never tell the half of it

How Judy Raye was night and day, in and out, a wonder made ~

How Jesus stooped to aid her Trek till all the spinning stars erect

Stood waiting silent see her go

And then to feel th’ eternal kiss

From her King who wanted it~

To brush her cheek & wipe her brow &

Say, “See you made it anyhow! I’ll take care to hold your Tim—now come on

see what’s all prepared” ~

Where sight, nor sound, nor Prancing Pony keep

The leaping down, the Hope, the Mirth, of all good servants finishèd

Their race to celestial Company

There to glory in a Lion-Lamb

Who’s Meek as Lilies an’ Pure as Gold!

“I See Her Everywhere”: By Tim for Judy

I see her everywhere,
Where’re I look
On wall or chair,
Or by the sink
While washing hair,
I see her standing there.

When on a trip
Where she did sit
I know somehow
She’s there.

And tea time pieces
For the kids
She placed upon
Our stair.
She’s there,
Her touch is
Everywhere.

And yet, today,
In Morganstuen
Her picture on the wall
Her lovely hands
Stretched out to me
Her bridal gown,
A doll, a lifelong friend,
A buddy dear,

Now, at our couch
I stare,
I look, I hope,
I dream, I pray,
Can’t find her
Anywhere!!!

CH COL Harold T. Carlson, 20 JUL ‘24

IF I COULD CALL OR TEXT

If I could call or text your beautiful face

I’d feel higher than Everest Mountain

Awash in glacial grace

If I could unveil recent news to you

I’d concentrate on your voice’s timbre instead

to help me even better remember

How lovely your sound and sense

If I could text I’d use two words “Love ya”

Then add a million “forevers” to make it clear

Your love was a constant lift—

heavenly exquisite cheer

In the morning it’s in my ear, your:

“Rise and shine and give God the glory glory”

Or the “Uff Dah” sound

when putting a heavy thing down

Your belief in me, in Him in me, was lyrical,

gave to me a Song—

a love, in constant crescendo:

“dearest son, you’re mine, you belong”

Your quest to teach & mold me

(pretty tough I know)

to help to build & grow me

into Christ and not the Foe

I thought sometimes you Lofty

your hopes perhaps too high

your esteem not fully grounded

in the man I really was

But if I could text you now

I’d try to keep it simple

& tell of baseball

or of Isak’s favorite LEGO’s.

I’d tell of scents like cinnamon,

& curly whispy hair,

that falls upon a dolly neck

of your little brown Magdalena

Oh Mom, it’s just so heavy,

far harder than we’d thought

for Dad and Liz to take a step

and miss you with each breath

I join them listless, braced

waiting for Life

beyond this bounded space

when my yearning for the feel of you

is a nectar and a blow

For here I cannot hold you

Nor even watch you work

Or ring you on my iPhone

Just to say hello

Kristian Lael Carlson

SEVENTY EIGHT

For my Jude, with Love, Tim, 20 JULY 2024

Seventy Eight,
You came too late,
You took our time
To celebrate,
To laugh & smile
And light her cake.

So many years,
She many cheers,
So many…, but then,
Worst of fears,
Her life was snatched,
Her smile gone,
Her lovely self,
No longer home.

And whether here
Or over there,
Or really anywhere,
We cannot have
Her buoyant mood,
Her wonder, yes,
The one called Jude,
Is taken, well, how
Far away…?

It’s just a guess
But this, I’ll say;
We’ll sing, we’ll smile,
We’ll laugh, we’ll pray
For in our hearts,
You’re here always!

Love you Dearest of the Dear, my forever Love, Oh please,
Come here!!!

TC

CH (COLONEL) Harold T. Carlson

Written for Judy’s 78th Birthday, 28 JULY 2024

REFLECTIONS ON HER MOR MOR

“When I close my eyes she’s at the Piano…”

Clara Sophia Roemmich nee Arnegard

This is the Gathering Room.

Here, we would listen to our Mor Mor Judy read to us by the fire. This was a room full of warm light & laughter. I can still hear the beautiful voices of my family:

Joey, Oskar, dad, mom, Dorothy, Kristina, Cole, Grandpa Tim, Ollie, Judah, Mor Mor Judy, and Aunt Liz all gathered together in this special space.

I see Mor Mor Judy’s heart in every corner of the room.

When I close my eyes, she’s at the piano playing songs of worship to our King. I hear songs of love, of wonder, songs of hardship, and songs of peace. This room is a home of perfect memories. A little heaven on earth.

I recorded this video the night before I said my final earthly goodbye to my-beloved Mor Mor Judy Raye. I was up late with my siblings in the Gathering Room, reminiscing the memories and grieving the reality that soon we would not see our Mor Mor Judy on earth anymore.

How I long for eternity where death is no more.

*****

I NEVER KNEW: A poem by Tim for Judy

I never knew when Loved One’s gone

I never knew if just one song

or maybe singing not at all

or maybe just not celebrate or call

or let the children and those dear know

There’s no birthday, need not show

the one to celebrate is gone;

so why should we then sing a song?

And would she know if we did sing

and would she know that we would cling

to what once was, but now is gone

as she is now, in final home

A home that never goes away

a home we’ll see

when then some day

we go to her, no other way…

But then, I thought, we’ll celebrate,

we’ll sing some song

we’ll eat some cake

and maybe then what’s going on

will then be joined with heavenly song,

with Angels and their wings so high

and singing way up in the sky

and maybe even King of Kings

will lead the group and help us bring a time

like never was before

So She will know forevermore

how much we love and miss her so

how much her life she did bestow

so that we’ll always sing for her

We’ll always think about our dearest dear

We’ll always know that she is near

if even really far away

here, in our hearts, she’ll always stay

our sweetest, dearest Judy Raye

Love You Always,

Tim, CH COL Harold T. Carlson, July 25, 2024

Dad’s Note to the Family on 25 JUL ‘24:

“As I’ve been sitting here in the Day Room Morganstuen reading, once again, poems and comments and seeing pictures and thinking of songs that honor Judy Raye, I believe that God, in His kindness, brought this song to my mind.

“Son of my soul, my Savior dear; it is not night if thou art near; oh may no dark, storm clouds arise, to hide Thee from thy servant’s eyes.” ”

***

SO MANY TIMES

So many times I sit by the window
Waiting for Judy to play me a song
So many times she lay down beside me
Stretched out her arm & lay down her phone

Yes, there in the dark, I was rarely alone
She lit up my life, we shared such hope,
To carry on, to sing more songs,
To drive along, to carry on,
To carry on.

Now, in the dark, I lie alone
Not with my phone, not with my own
Just there alone, just there alone
But Jude, you lit up my life We shared such hope
We carried on, we tried and we tried, And oh how we tried

But now, what lights my life? What gives me hope…
To carry on?
Face a new day, now when you’re gone
But here, not lying down, & not on my phone sitting alone You light up my life, you gave me hope you gave me love, you gave me strength to carry on
And now I know, really…, I know

When He carried you home. You weren’t alone
So now, I’m not alone
He carries me on
And soon someday, Jude, He’ll carry me
And I too will be Home

Loving you dearly this morning and crying tears of happiness because God gave you to me & all of us sweetest Judy Raye.

Tim, COL CH (R) Harold T. Carlson US Army

29 JULY 2024

Dorothy Alida watering Mor Mor’s grave Summer 2024.

And So…, He Took Her

And so, He took her.

He took her withered frame,

He called her out, and by her name.

She’ll never, ever be the same,

All shrunken, lying deep in pain.

She saw, I know she saw His frame,

His tender eyes, they were aflame,

But soft enough to show to her,

The deepest love she’d ever know,

He scooped her up into his arms,

So gentle was His loving touch, and spoke these caring words to her,

“It can’t hurt you anymore,

This cancer’s had enough.

It tried to steal your faith,

It cut down deep to end your joy,

But I could never leave you there,

My girl so brave, but low,

But never way beyond my reach,

Already I can tell,

You’re better far

Your pain can’t mar,

I’m into full repair.

The highest bound you ever had,

The vigor only few,

With wild and wondrous whirls and twirls,

The girl that many knew,

Is home with me,

I’ll take good care,

I’ll introduce her everywhere.

Those many that she often touched,

Won’t ever be just quite enough

To cause to sing, to laugh,

To play, to celebrate the gift

Of day with never need to say, “Goodnight!”

Or catch a wink when tired and worn from baby care with bumps or thorns

Or combing little girlies’ hair, and reading books for kids that stare and marvel

At the many stars and thoughts of heaven that were yours,

And now…I’ve really brought you here;

You can’t go back, but you can see, the ones you love,

Always hold dear, and now, with me, without a tear,

We’ll share a smile, a laugh, a prayer ‘til we can be together here

And never, ever once again fall victim to the curse of sin!”

Judy Raye, “Let Heaven Begin!”

Your Loving Husband, Tim

COL Chaplain Harold T. Carlson, 19 October ’24

Stone Ridge, Huggins, Missouri

Sometimes Her Eyes

Sometimes Her Eyes they’re sparkling Other times Mom’s face so stoic drawn There’s a cheery “Heh Kit, Good morning” But then her sitting, aching, pacing, ever at the edge

There’s fingers’ piano melodies ascend & Too her voice, “don’t leave me” eyes wide beg I love snow’s crunch, you call “boys fresh bread” -Oh how Alaska glows!

Suffering darkly downcast hunch Only Jesus knows

But in the Main, my Sails so full Because always kindly her zeal kindled Lifted sky high my Soul’s gaze to Him

For Judy Raye, Ma Kristian Lael Carlson 19 October 2024

PS: …It’s been 173 days without you

***

OVERFILLED

Annalisa Noelle (Carlson) Schamberger

As I sit on her couch and stare at her things,

Its warmth, & a flood of memories they bring.

I once heard it said of a homemakers craft,

“She turns stuff into love.”

And, Oh how she did that!

I used to suppose, “There is just too much here!”

But now that she’s gone,

Her stuff is more dear.

She filled up her home with treasures, its true.

She rejoiced in each item,

The old and the new!

My life was like that,

Carefully crafted, not bare.

Each moment, like her home,

Filled to the brim with her care.

Bursting with beauty,

filled up with her love

Overfilled with her wisdom,

Surrounded in trust

Now its Jesus who’ll make her

A home to abide,

“I go to prepare a place”

He promised his Bride.

Down here its her “stuff”

That surrounds and enfolds.

Her blankets hold tightly

Her books fill our souls.

Her dishes they serve us,

Her dollies amuse.

Her tea sets enamor

The charm! Who could refuse?

Oh Mama, how I miss

Your real “flesh-on” care.

I can still feel your kisses,

My soul sometimes

Feels bare.

I’ll trust you to Jesus,

Your first and true love.

We’ll keep up your mission,

Filling hearts with his love.

And when its my turn

To hear that clear call,

When my angel comes,

No harm can befall.

Together with Jesus

We’ll never know sadness.

His house, just like yours

Overfilled with such gladness!