You loved him hard You loved him swell Did ya ever love him well
That tramp he jumped it hard Jumped it deep And chuckled his Mama out to freak
You loved him wide You loved him deep Did you ever love him well!
His soul to keep You loved him well You taught him life at Jesus’ feet
You saw him tease He danced a beat Wow you n Davy loved him sweet!
You loved him wise You loved him great You loved him morning, noon & night
I can’t go on The rhythms the song Too much this chasm’s beyond
Come back son Joey Run, we WANT you here You Godly sprite!!
Oh We’ve loved ya hard we loved you deep Twinkling Joey Showy–with you
And your Mama, let’s meet There.
There. Bye and o’er the Bye
Bring us back God, to Joseph that we know. Cause we miss ya.
Alida-she loves you well Yes, she loves you deep With wordless cries, calls out to Deep
Oh she loves you well.
KLC, 26 JAN 24, i miss you buddy, From S.A., TX
Written by Mom 1/25/24
Joseph Bernhard Arnegard ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ 5/11/05-1/25/22
I honor you my wonderful son, my incredible Joey. You, with your dimple from heaven, you with your unforgettably pretty blue/green eyes, you with your distinctive mole, your handsome self, my strong, tall, long legged son.
I am so glad God gave you to me. It’s been two years since the day you went home to heaven.
I wonder, was I a good enough mom to you Joey? Did I tell you enough and show you enough how wonderful you were? Did I listen enough? Did I praise you often enough? Did you know what a cute baby you were? Did you know how amazing your smile was? Did you know how much I liked having you tease me & get my attention?! Did you know how sweet it was for me to see you adoring our pups, kitties, baby ducks, chicks and goats?
Did you know you had a knack for making people around you feel important? Noticed? Celebrated? Did you know you had a way of making the little everyday things explode into a party; A pizza! A deck of cards! Snacks! A frisbee! A basketball! A soccer ball and a park? A pool? With you, life felt like a celebration! You worked hard and then you played hard. You knew how to have fun!! You knew how to love!! You cared genuinely from the heart. You really prayed. You ached. You quietly lived what was in your heart. No fanfare. No trumpets. You were loyal. You were willing. You were a team player. We will never stop missing you. We grieve that we have recently finally accepted the sad reality that Joey, you are not coming back to make our life bright with your “Joey-ness”. You indelibly left your mark and we honor you and your life and we thank Jesus for sending you to us Joey for 16 3/4 years and saving you at a young age. We celebrate you Joey. This world was a much better place because of you. ❤️❤️❤️ Love, Mom
At the Funeral home in Watford City, about to hug your body, & pray & sing with your Mom, and Auntie Annalisa & Baby Caroline. 1/28/22With your Eldest Sis, Kristina McGorman
Joey Bernhard Arnegard, 16, of Watford City, N.D., passed away Tuesday, Jan. 25, 2022, in an automobile accident in Watford City, N.D. He was born in Eden Valley, Wyo., on May 11, 2005. His Great Aunt Jinny Carlson was the Doula who assisted at his home birth. To his mother, Joey was her desert boy. He was the fifth of seven children born to Reverend David and Alida Arnegard during the time David pastored the Eden Valley for Jesus Evangelical Free Church. Joey seemed to have been born with a twinkle in his deep blue eyes, a brilliant mind, and an adventurous spirit. He had strong, steady hands that were always busy; whether he was holding a Rubik’s Cube, a paintbrush, playing the piano, dribbling a basketball, or holding a hand of cards. He had a passion for solving complicated puzzles and loved learning algorithms. His desk held his collection of the many Rubik’s cubes he had formed into various shapes and patterns. His family loved listening to him play the piano and he often learned new songs and solo pieces he heard in music and movies. Joey always impressed his family by his ability to paint a picture so full of reflection, smart angles, and color. His art is greatly treasured by his family. Come rain or shine, wind or snow, Joey would be shooting hoops out on the gravel driveway of the Arnegard home. He was always looking for ways to improve his form and accuracy. He practiced hard and his family and friends loved cheering him on as he improved over the years. Joey was a thrill seeker and looked forward to camping trips, long hikes, and spontaneous summer lake days. All he needed was a pack of matches and flip flops and he was ready to go. Rain or shine, it was lake time. Every year, Joey looked forward to long youth trips and noisy bus rides with his friends – always full of funny stories and inside jokes to tell when he got home. When he was not so busy, Joey would often be found at a table dealing out a hand of Rook or setting up a board game for the family. Since Joey loved games of strategy, the Arnegards knew when they started a game of Dutch Blitz, Settlers of Catan, Chess, or Ticket to Ride, there was a 9 in 10 chance that Joey would win. His clever mind was well balanced by his reassuring smile and love of animals. Joey loved the family puppy, Willow, and he would spend many hours calling her nicknames, like “Wit, Wheezy, or Pup,” only he could come up with while welcoming her into the house with hugs and words of adoration. If there was a baby or small animal in sight, it would be in Joey’s arms. He had such a love for baby goats, ducklings, chicks, kittens and puppies. Joey never got to experience being an uncle, but he was a role model and master of fun to all of his younger cousins and siblings at each family gathering. Joey loved his family in a teasing way. He was the king of nicknames for all. He would show love to his family with gentle pats on the head, linking arms during a movie, and hugs, no matter how old he got. Joey made sure to always say, “I love you,” and was a friend to each one of his siblings. Joey made his family laugh more than anything and his voice brought joy to their home. He fully won the hearts of his parents, siblings and friends and he was adored and cherished by each of them. His deep love for God was reflected in his joy in Jesus which shone brightly in his contagious smile and his mischievous blue eyes. He truly spread a mantle of intentional kindness and Godly selflessness wherever he went. Returning from an insanely successful ‘shoot around’ with his beloved team members and friends, black ice caused Joey’s Avalon to careen out of control. He was hit by a semi truck after he lost control of the vehicle. On Tuesday morning, Jan. 25, Joey Arnegard went to be with Jesus. The many who mourn his passing include his parents, David and Alida Arnegard; his siblings, Kristina, (Cole), Clara, Dorothy, Oskar, Oliver and Judah. He is also mourned by Grandparents, Cameron and Mary Susan Arnegard; Uncles, (Spencer) Simmons, Matt Arnegard, and Iver Arnegard; and dear Aunties, Ruth Frank and Virginia Arnegard. On his mother’s side, Grandfather Harold Timothy Carlson and ‘Mor Mor’ Judy Raye Carlson mourn him; along with Aunties, Elnora White, (Danny), Elizabeth Carlson, Annalisa Shamberger (Justin); and Uncles, Kristian (Damaris) and Nels (Jordan) Carlson. He is mourned by 28 maternal cousins and 4 paternal cousins; and Great-Great Paternal Cousin, Gen Bruins; Great-Great Maternal Auntie, Marilyn Carlson; and Great Maternal Aunties, Ruth, Marilyn Aronson, (David); and Great Uncles, Richard (Jinny) Carlson, David (Virginia) Carlson, Bruce (Ann) Carlson, and Chuck (Nicole) Carlson; along with other beloved relatives who each grieve deeply his sudden passing. This world is truly not our home and now, ‘He is finally home!’ “Our Dearest and Brightest Joey! Joey! Joey!!!, we shall meet again!” because of Jesus and thankfully we do not grieve as those who have no hope. As Grandpa Cameron so lovingly expressed,
“Taken in his prime.
Mercifully it was swift.
He was the Best of us.”
Oh how we miss you, our dearest “Joey Showey.” Joey’s Funeral Service will be held on Wednesday, Feb. 2, 2022. at 11 a.m. at the Watford City Assembly of God Church, 2117 Main Street, Watford City. Pastor Sheldon McGorman will be officiating. Visitation was held at Fulkerson-Stevenson Funeral Home of Watford City on Tuesday, Feb. 1, 2022, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. The Funeral Service will be live-streamed; you can view Joey’s service directly on his obituary page at the website http://www.fulkersons.com
Hear about Joey’s life & what his Grandpa Tim Carlson, COL US Army Chaplain, has to say to those saying an earthly farewell. “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints” Grandpa Tim’s words begin at 27:42 in the video.
Recently I was struck by Valencia Cagiano’s posts about her marriage breakup. She has video-blogged frequently about her life, marriage, and 4 kids, over the past 12 years.[i] Valencia, or “V”, is funny! She could be a stand-up comedian. She is a gifted singer who shares original Hip Hop and worship songs[ii]. While at times she shares her Christian beliefs, her profiles do not mention faith. Her video-blog is personal. Viewers watch her life change, to include pregnancy with twins, discovery of her Army spouse’s infidelity, and moving out to begin the journey of a single mom living with parents. She shares recipes, advice, insights into custody battles, and spoke about the challenge parenting during was during COVID19.[iii] She refers to viewers as “besties” and focuses on fellow mothers and women when addressing her 92.2K YouTube subscribers. Her vlogs have 22 million views.
The vlog episode I want to focus on was uploaded in 2015. V titled it, “True Story: Leaving My Husband.” In the vlog she tells about leaving her Army spouse, James (Jim), after his repeatedly cheating. [iv] She was 30 years old, and explains that she was faithful in the relationship. Now living with their children at her parents’ home in Jacksonville, FL, V is experiencing partial vision impairment in her left eye. V is black and her husband is white. Their children are young. They have 21 month-old twins–a boy and girl–and two older boys, age 7 & 10. Jim is an enlisted Soldier (E-4) who joined the Army at age 28. Valencia does not have a job outside full-time parenting.[v] Below is a redacted script from V’s 43 minute vlog.[vi]
“Girl, I’m telling you, he had a “Lord Voldemort” spirit. But when I said “I do,” I wanted it to mean something. My husband was white but what happened didn’t have to do with race, it could happen to anyone. The “Cheater Mate” will make it feel like it’s your fault, that you aren’t enough. Sisters, let me tell you that if you are married and the same religion, go to church together. Go to marriage counseling. Pray at nighttime together before bed, say grace together.” When you make vows, you are “saying ‘I Do’ to the human experience together, but some people don’t know how to honor those vows for better or worse. I was in a relationship in which I was always the fixer. He would let 3-4 days go by of not talking to me unless I broke the ice. I’m not the type of person that wants to take things from anyone…Would you believe it, when I drove home to pick up a few things—and took hardly anything, just a couple TVs and some clothes, he showed up to make his presence known with his Army friends…Thank God I left the kids with mom. He didn’t even ask to see them and acted like the two TVs were too much. He was cheating on lunch breaks. Parties were going on at the house. Our family pictures would be put away, my things shoved in the closet… You know I’m praying about a lot of things. I don’t want to claim anything negative over my life. But I had to go when I realized that it was ‘all about him’…never about me or the children. And I didn’t want the children to grow up with a father like that. I know I have post-partum issues. I’m gonna change my diet for the better. I want to focus on getting my Spirit back healthy. (At this point her voice trails off singing Janet Jackson’s “Like a moth to a flame, burned by the fire, that’s the way love is.) You know to be well you have to be careful about how you think, not focusing on him. Stress can kill you! I know there were times I struggled to keep on living. At the end of the day, the only thing you can have sometimes is to have a peace about situations. I fear being solely responsible for my children. I’m a full-time parent. I’m so ready to be unafraid of the future. So now, what do I care about most? Family is first, and all that matters is not being afraid.”
PART 2: REFLECTIONS ABOUT “V’s” Life and Story. It would be hard to understand V and her family -as a Chaplain, or pastor- without considering some of the inherent challenges in her life at the time of her post, poverty, racial inequalities, and her status as a military dependent.
V’s family had been living on the poverty line. Her husband’s wages put them below the poverty level in 2015. In 2015 Jim was likely a Specialist (E-4) and earned $2,350 per month.[vii] The poverty level for a family of six in 2015 was $31,670. They earned $28,200. [viii] One factor which helped their finances was the Army’s additional Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH), which added $1479.00 to their monthly income. If they lived in military housing, they did not receive that BAH as potential additional income.[ix] Without doubt her decision to leave, with limited income and employment options as a single black mother, showed courage.
It is important to mention V’s race and inequality structures. As a black American, one of those issues relates to housing. Chanequa Walker-Barnes explains how the FHA “practice of undermining sales by under appraising homes in established neighborhoods” happens to people of color disproportionately.[x] V’s circumstances led to a hard question, where would she and the four children live? Would they get stuck in poverty? Would she be able to buy a home, or rent in a safe neighborhood with a good school district?
Pastoral theologian Walker-Barnes has written about the “StrongBlackWoman” (SBW) paradigm. V’s story demonstrates various beliefs, some likely unconsciously held, to include her expectations and society’s, reminiscent of dangerous aspects of the SBW. In a lecture, Bioethics and the Underserved, Dr. Richard Payne spoke about the ironic outcome of the SBW’s suffering, that “because of their great strength, they suffer enormously.”[xi] V demonstrates many of these tendencies. She works extremely hard as a vlogger to provide for her children, but it is a hard way to earn money. And painfully public. She manifests physical symptoms of pain due to the stress that she carries, her left eye no longer functions properly. Of being independent, she explains, “I’m not the type of person that wants to take things from anyone.” She leaves the home with hardly any belongings due her. In the relationship, she is the “Fixer.” Her husband will do the silent treatment for 3-4 days, until she breaks the ice. Ultimately it is for her children’s welfare that she leaves. The repeated infidelity signals to her, that ultimately he will not be the kind of father her children need, –one that puts their needs above his own.
Other characteristics of the SBW are V’s vibrant Christian spirituality, her empathetic advice-giving to other women—, and lastly that she does not show any tears in the 43 minute blog. This lack of emotion portrays the SBW who seems able to withstand anything.[xii] The result of acting out this myth is a “multi-tasking” and “overcommitment” that makes women like V into “a modern day Atlas bearing the weight of the world on her shoulders.” [xiii] Debilitating impacts on her physical health are likely to come without intervention. “Black women are experiencing epidemic rates of medical conditions such as… diabetes (&) hypertension…and they have higher morbidity and mortality rates than any other racial-gender group for nearly every major cause of death.” [xiv] Here we have a mother of 4 children, 2 of the babies under the age of two, who says “I fear being solely responsible for my children.” As a full-time parent she wonders how she will provide for them, but remains determined to make a way. There is not a hint of giving up.
Another challenge for V is that her support network is now threatened by the choice to leave her military husband. Her access to health care, base-housing, shopping at the Exchange, the Commissary, using on-post childcare (more reliable, less expensive and higher quality) and gaining legal support, counselors, chaplains and clinical social workers hinges on her status as a “military-dependent.” While she technically qualifies for these benefits while still married, once divorced, she will lose her base access, and her medical care. Meeting the needs of her children through the old-support network will be nearly impossible. Military spouses understand this, and it is a factor that makes it harder to leave. [xv] Were V receiving the benefit of on-post childcare, its cost is fixed. In 2015-16 it was $386 per month per child for CAT 3 income military families like the Cagianos. For $1158 a month[xvi], Valencia could put her youngest three into a safe childcare in order to work or pursue a degree. This benefit, available at military bases, would go away were she to divorce and gain 51% custody. [xvii] The costs savings are dramatic. The current cost of childcare in Virginia is $600-1200 per month per child. [xviii] During her marriage V was also likely at an employment disadvantage due to “long absences of the service member, childcare difficulties, and (spouses’ perception of) the stigmatization of military spouses by civilian employers.” A study found that military spouses were less likely to be employed and to earn less than their civilian counterparts. [xix]
I do not know if V’s husband ever deployed or had PTSD. This would be helpful to know as the presence of PTSD negatively impacts marital satisfaction.[xx] Even in the absence of PTSD, higher stress, and greater frequency of depression have been shown. We know that V experienced periods of job-related separation from Jim while with the four children.[xxi] Army deployments in 2012 were regulated to shift down to 9 months long, unlike the 12-18 month deployments of the first 10 years of the war on terror.[xxii] Living under the shadow of separation and deployment places a toll on military families, and pressurized the Cagianos.
V’s marriage was to a man who was White. A 2009 study on divorce among interracial couples showed that such marriage did not translate to higher divorce rates than other pairings in society. [xxiii] V says that she did not view her husband’s choice of infidelity to relate to race. According to the study mentioned, interracial marriages involving blacks were less stable than other interracial marriages.[xxiv] V was a Black military spouse and mother who was dependent on her husband’s income and military benefits for her family’s welfare. Why did he break trust with her? Was it mere failure of integrity, or was there abuse that grew from a deeper level of bias?
A final factor relates to V’s recent birth of twins. Multiple births have been shown to put parents at greater risk of postpartum depression. V acknowledges postpartum struggles with anxiety in her vlog.[xxv] Pastoral caregivers might ask, did V or Jim ever get help for anxiety, and depression? They added, to already full lives, two more babies at the same time. This is not to excuse Jim’s infidelity, or to oversimplify V’s struggles but it is to recognize a a factor putting their mental health at risk. Postpartum parenting likely strained Jim’s life,[xxvi] and his being an older active-duty junior enlisted Soldier (31-years-old at the time of their split), probably contributed to depression and poor decision making. [xxvii] Psychologists researching postpartum have recommended giving special focused care to affected parents.
Part 3: Hypothetical Context for Support: In this section, I want to imagine what care for Valencia and her husband could look like, and then apply that to how a chaplain or caregiver could support them.
“V” and her husband attend the military chapel that I pastor in Fort Eustis, VA. I am not the chaplain of her husband’s unit, but I am the deputy-post chaplain with monthly contact with the Post’s Command Leaders. She asks to meet on Monday afternoon at the chapel, the day she returns to pick up her things and complete her move-out from Jim. During a lengthy phone call from her parents’ home in Jacksonville, FL, she has explained that she is leaving Jim due to his repeated cheating. The presenting issue with V is marital separation due to infidelity. As a pastoral giver, my response to V is important. She has opened up sacred space to speak to me as a minister and as the first military authority made aware of the situation. After our phone call, I prioritize my concerns for her: 1. Safety 2. Material welfare of her and the children, 3. Her spiritual welfare, 4. Navigating the military support system 5. Her husband’s safety. (In real-life I do not know Jim or Valencia.)
Physical Safety. I want to ensure that when V returns to pick up her belongings, she is physically safe. To protect the service member, and out of fear, many spouses avoid speaking to a Soldier’s command about infidelity and marital problems. But by failing to do so, they may unnecessarily endanger themselves. In her initial phone call to me, I did not address the safety concern, but the following day I call to ask if she had considered contacting Jim’s leadership. While doing so might inflame Jim’s anger, it brings the situation to the command’s awareness and allows them to support V and Jim individually. It might also lead to a military protective order (MPO) to keep him from the home, while V collects items that Monday morning. [xxviii]
Material Welfare. V shared her fear of becoming “solely responsible for my children.” Many practical issues confront her. Does she have money? Does she need legal support? Does she need childcare? I would plan to call and explain to her before our meeting that as an Army Spouse she and the children are entitled to resources in Jacksonville at the Naval Air Station: medical care, counseling, chaplain, commissary, clinical social workers, and some legal support.[xxix] V has shared about her incapacitating anxiety and blurred vision. Due to these acute concerns I want her to access care soonest.[xxx]
Church Solidarity. When V arrives to the office, my focus is to listen well. My hope is to assess her spiritual and emotional welfare, and build her up. I want to affirm the courage and rightness behind her decision to leave. I do not want her to blame herself for what has happened. I may tell her that the Christian community at the chapel, while not aware of the details, have expressed that they are praying for her, and miss her family. It could fortify her to know that her church family loves and stands beside her.
Spiritual Welfare. In the case study text, V brings up strong feelings about her sense of worth being wounded by Jim’s cheating and treatment of her. She wants to stop feeling so afraid about the future. V’s feeling of betrayal[xxxi] could lead to strong bitterness toward Jim. She has referred to him as a “Cheater” and as a “Lord Voldemort.” Voldemort is known in the Harry Potter series for cruelty, torture, being a liar and sadist.[xxxii] It may be too early to talk to V in depth about forgiveness, or overcoming bitterness, and other aspects of divorce recovery. [xxxiii] But I do want to listen to how she is responding to the grief and anger and point her to God’s unfailing love and protection. Aware that her vlog is public, V’s sharing the private issues in her life might have unintended consequences on her children, her heart and on Jim. This medium could become a vehicle for bitterness, attack and triangulation (should she hope that Jim will view it) that would hurt her soul. Asking her what might be life-giving vs. life-limiting regarding vlog content might be a helpful lens to help her consider how she uses it. A delicate issue that might come up is marriage restoration. I have not heard Jim’s story[xxxiv], and although he attends the chapel, V is my priority. She has reached out to me and she is in the vulnerable position. If she asks whether they should meet alone together, I would recommend their meeting, instead, with me at the chapel.
CONCLUSION. As I look to help V consider her hope, I will ask her how she envisions her future story in a best case scenario.[xxxv] In the midst of pain she spoke of God’s goodness and said she was grateful for her children, parents and the safe place they’ve provided her to live. Asking her to share more about this gratitude might be another avenue to hear about her story. I hope she will feel safe to speak about the feelings of pain and betrayal too, and theological struggles she might have glossed over in the Vlog. While V wants to be strong and independent, it might help to bring to her attention the dangers of uncritically requiring of herself the SBW paradigm. V is deserving of justice, of grace and self-compassion. With this in mind, I would encourage V to allow her family, the body of Christ, and God to help carry her in this heartbreaking season. [xxxvi]
It is possible that I may still not understand what V needs most. Perhaps she will express anger at the church or at God. She might “no-show” the scheduled Monday meeting. She could reveal something unexpected–that she wants to mend the marriage. I need to rely on the Holy Spirit. While I deeply want to help her, what I bring will not be enough. But God who cares much more, can sustain her. I think of the paralytic’s friends who lower him through the roof to Jesus. For all V has been through, she should be laid out flat: daily care for twin babies, undeserved infidelity, losing her home, having to move 600 miles, her lost years of professional progress; and the coming challenges of single parenthood, legal adjudications and loss of community. But God is the burden bearer. Jesus bore the cross for her and is Healer. God’s eye is on V and on her children. God will never fail, leave or forsake her. With this in my heart, I would ask Valencia if she would like to pray, and then together ask God to provide, to keep V in peace and to fill her future with the fearlessness that she seeks. In God’s perfect Love her fear can be cast aside again and again.
Appendix: Pictures of Valencia and Family
[i] Valencia has uploaded 1337 videos on YouTube (approximately 2-3 posts per week) and has 16.6K followers on Instagram. https://socialblade.com/youtube/user/productjunkiexoxo/monthly. Accessed 6 NOV 2020. Valencia’s monthly earnings on YouTube range from 20-320 dollars. Over 10 years her total earnings are somewhere between $5k to 80K https://www.celeb-networth.com/productjunkiexoxo The point is that she has not earned a living wage, despite having 20 million views. Accessed 6 NOV 2020.
[iii] She describes herself as a “funny mommy vlogger” who shares her ‘unfiltered life.” And explains that she is “a very spirited person” sometimes “a tad bit dramatic.”
[iv] Valencia has 4 children, the twins were born @ DEC 2013 and in 2020, will soon be 7, the older boys are 10 and 13. Names from oldest to youngest: Jordan, Israel, Jullian and Max.
[v] In a different episode, before their marital problems, the couple shared how they first met. Both were waiting in line to buy food at “Chick Fil A.” At the time Jim was doing entry-level marketing for a company contracted by Disney.
[x] Walker-Barnes, Chanequa. I Bring The Voices of My People: A Womanist Vision for Racial Reconciliation. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2019), p. 45.
[xi] Payne, Richard. In a 4 NOV 2020 Class Lecture at Duke Divinity School, Dr. Patrick Smith shared a 2011 clip of Dr. Payne’s Flanigan Lecture address to Physicians, Ethicists and Theologians at the Center for Practical Bioethics in Kansas City. In the lecture he brought up the StrongBlackWoman and the counterpart myth, John Henry, and their suffering at the end of life.
[xii] Walker-Barnes, Chanequa. Too Heavy a Yoke: Black Women and the Burden of Strength. (Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock Publishers, 2014), p. 4. In her text she defines the archetype the StrongBlackWoman. It is “a particular, and fixed, way of being in the world. It is a racialized gender performance, a scripted role into which Black women are socialized, usually beginning in childhood. Rather than being a genuine expression of personality, it is a mask that stifles authenticity, subsuming multifaceted selves behind a singular wall of self-sacrifice and emotional stoicism. The StrongBlackWoman is at once an archetype, a performance, and an ideology. It is, in effect, the hegemonic black femininity.”
[xv] Van Slyke, Ryan D., and Nicholas J. Armstrong. “Communities Serve: A Systematic Review of Need Assessments on U.S. Veteran and Military-Connected Populations.” Armed Forces & Society 46, no. 4 (October 2020): 564–94. https://doi.org/10.1177/0095327X19845030.
[xix] Ross, S.M. 21st Century American Military Families: A Review in the Context of the Wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Sociology Compass, (2014) 8: 888-902. doi:10.1111/soc4.12168
[xx] Ibid. pg. 894.
[xxi] According to one Vlog post, Jim was away for military duties from 16 SEP to 16 OCT 2014. https://youtu.be/zG3ksrrwxcc Accessed 7 NOV 2020.
[xxiv] Ibid. “Research in communication and cultural studies found that social pressures tend to increase social isolation of Black-White unions, especially from the White community, and consequently negatively impact the survival of these marriages.”
[xxvi] Wenze, S. J., Battle, C. L., & Tezanos, K. M. Raising multiples: mental health of mothers and fathers in early parenthood. Archives of women’s mental health, 18(2), (2015) 163–176. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-014-0484-x “Due to a multitude of factors, including increased demands of caring for multiple (often preterm) infants, greater sleep deprivation and sleep interruption, higher financial burden, social isolation, more prenatal medical involvement and physical discomfort, and greater role disruption for both parents, one might anticipate higher risk for perinatal depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems for parents of multiples as compared with parents of single births.”
Accessed November 8th, 2020. Sadly, infidelity is common. In my experience, it is rare for a Commander to bring these charges against a service member for two reasons. There is frequently a positive bias towards the story that the service member has told. Secondly, servicemembers are contributing members of commands, and each one’s welfare and attitude affects morale, to charge the Soldier with this offense could negatively affect morale. If the unit has had a rash of cases of adultery, or if Jim’s performance has already been lacking, then it is more likely he would face Nonjudicial punishment (NJP). At its most severe, if he is convicted by the commander of Article 134, he could lose rank, forfeit a half a month’s pay for two months, and be administratively separated with a dishonorable discharge. Should the commander not send him to NJP, his profile will be raised, and he will potentially suffer in his upcoming evaluation, and lose some of the confidence of his leadership.
[xxx] Commands usually have a spouse liaison who represents the commander to the families, called the Ombudsman or Family Readiness Officer. This could be a great resource to V, and lessen the pastoral caregiver’s task of resource finding.
[xxxi] V references Janet Jackson’s 1993 hit song, ‘That’s The Way Love Goes.’ The lyrics she references are, “Like a moth to a flame, burned by the fire.”
[xxxii] Lis, Eric, and Maria Tuineag. Development and Dark Wizards: Teaching Psychopathology with Lord Voldemort. Academic Psychiatry. 2017. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40596-017-0676-6. The authors share that “Lord Voldemort is the series’ personification of darkness, cruelty, racism, and various other unlikeable characteristics. His story is an elegant reflection of the ways in which modern psychiatry and psychology have conceptualized the development of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) Given that the Harry Potter series establishes that Voldemort is a murderer, liar, torturer, and sadist.
[xxxiii] In the future I hope V would consider attending a divorce care group at a local church. Jacksonville, FL, her new location, does have local chapters available. https://www.divorcecare.org/ Accessed 8 NOV 2020.
[xxxiv] I will ask V in a phone call before our meeting if she would like me to contact Jim. He may be at risk to self-harm, or harm to others, and may simply need pastoral support. If provide pastoral care to both, it would be wise for me to meet with a mentor to debrief, and ensure my spiritual welfare and clarity of sight.
[xxxv] Lester, Andrew D. Hope in Pastoral Care and Counseling. (Louisville, Ky: Westminster John Knox) 1995. pg. 103.
My aim would be to build up her vision for her future, that might be life-sustaining. See Lester’s Future Story paradigm, “Future has been identified as the primary dimension of time consciousness in which the struggle between hope and despair plays itself out during the human pilgrimage. Within the future that is coming toward us we find possibilities and potentialities for our journey”.
[xxxvi] The Apostle exhorts us to “share your burdens one with another and fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2.
he identifies as a Christian, and shares about her faith, although her public profiles do not mention her religious preference. The vlog is highly personal. Viewers watch her life change, to include pregnancy with twins, discovery of her Army spouse’s infidelity, and her moving out to begin the journey of a single mom living with parents. She shares recipes, hard-won advice, insights into custody battles, and lately has spoken to the challenges of parenting during a Pandemic.[iii] She refers to viewers as her “besties” (virtual best friends) and focuses on fellow mothers and women when addressing her 84,000 YouTube subscribers. Her vlogs have garnered 21 million views.
The vlog episode we will consider was uploaded in 2015. She titled it, “True Story: Leaving My Husband.” In the vlog she tells about leaving her Army spouse, James (Jim), after his repeatedly cheating on her. [iv] She was 30 years old, and explains that she was faithful in the relationship. Now living with their children at her parents’ home in Jacksonville, FL, V is experiencing partial vision impairment in her left eye. V is black and her husband is white. Their children are young. They have 21 month-old twins–a boy and girl–and two older boys, age 7 & 10. Jim is an enlisted Soldier (E-4) who joined the Army at age 28. Valencia does not have a job outside full-time parenting.[v] The case study text below is redacted from V’s 43 minute vlog.[vi]
“Girl, I’m telling you, he had a “Lord Voldemort” spirit. But when I said “I do,” I wanted it to mean something. My husband was white but what happened didn’t have to do with race, it could happen to anyone. The “Cheater Mate” will make it feel like it’s your fault, that you aren’t enough. Sisters, let me tell you that if you are married and the same religion, go to church together. Go to marriage counseling. Pray at nighttime together before bed, say grace together.” When you make vows, you are “saying ‘I Do’ to the human experience together, but some people don’t know how to honor those vows for better or worse. I was in a relationship in which I was always the fixer. He would let 3-4 days would go by of not talking to me unless I broke the ice. I’m not the type of person that wants to take things from anyone…Would you believe it, when I drove home to pick up a few things—and took hardly anything, just a couple TVs and some clothes, he showed up to make his presence known with his Army friends…Thank God I left the kids with mom. He didn’t even ask to see them and acted like the two TVs were too much. He was cheating on lunch breaks. Parties were going on at the house. Our family pictures would be put away, my things shoved in the closet… You know I’m praying about a lot of things. I don’t want to claim anything negative over my life. But I had to go when I realized that it was ‘all about him’…never about me or the children. And I didn’t want the children to grow up with a father like that. I know I have post-partum issues. I’m gonna change my diet for the better. I want to focus on getting my Spirit back healthy. (At this point her voice trails off singing Janet Jackson’s “Like a moth to a flame, burned by the fire, that’s the way love is.) You know to be well you have to be careful about how you think, not focusing on him. Stress can kill you! I know there were times I struggled to keep on living. At the end of the day, the only thing you can have sometimes is to have a peace about situations. I fear being solely responsible for my children. I’m a full-time parent. I’m so ready to be unafraid of the future. So now, what do I care about most? Family is first, and all that matters is not being afraid.”
PART 2: THEORY AND REFLECTION. It is impossible to effectively minister to Valencia and her family without considering key factors in her life: poverty, race, and status as a military dependent.
V is on the poverty line. Her husband’s wages put them below the poverty level in 2015. In 2015 Jim was likely a Specialist (E-4) and earned $2,350 per month.[vii] The poverty level according for a family of six in 2015 was $31,670. They earned $28,200. [viii] One factor which helped their finances was the Army’s additional Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH), which added $ 1479.00 to their monthly income. It is unknown if they lived in military housing. From vlog posts it appeared that they did. If so, they would not have received any of this BAH.[ix] Without doubt her decision to leave, with limited income and employment options as a single black mother, shows courage.
It is important to mention V’s race and the oppressive inequality structures which challenge her opportunities. As a black American, one of those issues relates to housing. Chanequa Walker-Barnes explains how the FHA “practice of undermining sales by under appraising homes in established neighborhoods” happens to people of color disproportionately.[x] V’s circumstances confront her with a hard question, where will she and the four children live? Will they become entrapped in poverty? Will she be able to buy a home, or rent in a safe neighborhood with a good school district? Various forces seem against her.
Pastoral theologian Walker-Barnes in a different text shares about the StrongBlackWoman (SBW) paradigm. V’s story demonstrates various embedded beliefs, to include her expectations and society’s, which might drive her toward pathological aspects of the SBW. In a lecture, Bioethics and the Underserved, Dr. Richard Payne spoke about the ironic outcome of the SBW’s suffering, that “because of their great strength, they suffer enormously.”[xi] V demonstrates many of these tendencies. I will point out a few. She works extremely hard as a vlogger to provide for her children, but it is a hard way to earn money. And painfully public. She manifests physical symptoms of pain due to the stress that she carries, her left eye no longer functions properly. Of being independent, she explains, “I’m not the type of person that wants to take things from anyone.” She leaves the home with hardly any belongings due her. In the relationship, she is the “Fixer.” Her husband will do the silent treatment for 3-4 days, until she breaks the ice. Ultimately it is for her children’s welfare that she leaves. The repeated infidelity signals to her, that ultimately he will not be the kind of father her children need, –one that puts their needs above his own.
Other characteristics reminiscent of the SBW are V’s vibrant Christian spirituality, her empathetic advice-giving to other women—even in the depths of her crisis, and lastly that she does not show any tears in the 43 minutes blog. This lack of emotion portrays the SBW who seems able to withstand anything.[xii] The result of acting out this myth is a “multi-tasking” and “overcommitment” that makes women like V into “a modern day Atlas bearing the weight of the world on her shoulders.” [xiii] Debilitating impacts on her physical health are likely to come without intervention. “Black women are experiencing epidemic rates of medical conditions such as… diabetes (&) hypertension…and they have higher morbidity and mortality rates than any other racial-gender group for nearly every major cause of death.” [xiv] Here we have a mother of 4 children, 2 of the babies under the age of two, who says “I fear being solely responsible for my children.” As a full-time parent she wonders how she will provide for them, but remains determined to make a way. There is not a hint of giving up.
Another factor challenging V is that her support network is now threatened by the choice to leave her military husband. Her access to health care, base-housing, shopping at the Exchange, the Commissary, using on-post childcare (more reliable, less expensive and higher quality) and gaining legal support, counselors, chaplains and clinical social workers hinges on her status as a “military-dependent.” While she technically qualifies for these benefits while still married, once divorced, she will lose her base access, and her medical care. Meeting the needs of her children through the old-support network will be nearly impossible. Military spouses understand this, and it is a factor that makes it harder to leave. [xv] Were V receiving the benefit of on-post childcare, its cost is fixed. In 2015-16 it was $386 per month per child for CAT 3 income military families like the Cagianos. For $1158 a month[xvi], Valencia could put her youngest three into a safe childcare in order to work or pursue a degree. This benefit, available at military bases, would go away were she to divorce and gain 51% custody. [xvii] The costs savings are dramatic. The current cost of childcare in Virginia is $600-1200 per month per child. [xviii] During her marriage V was also at a potential employment disadvantage as military spouse due to “long absences of the service member, childcare difficulties, and (spouses’ perception of) the stigmatization of military spouses by civilian employers.” A study found that military spouses were less likely to be employed and to earn less than their civilian counterparts. [xix]
It is unknown if V’s husband ever deployed or had a diagnosis of PTSD. This would be helpful to know as the presence of PTSD negatively impacts marital satisfaction.[xx] Even in the absence of PTSD, higher stress, and greater frequency of depression have been shown. We know that V experienced periods of job related separation from Jim while with the four children.[xxi] Army deployments in 2012 were regulated to shift down to 9 months long, unlike the 12-18 month deployments of the first 10 years of the war on terror.[xxii] Living under the shadow of separation and deployment place a toll on military families, and pressurized the Cagianos.
Another aspect of V’s marriage was that her husband was White and she was Black. A 2009 study on divorce among interracial couples showed that such marriage did not translate to higher divorce rates than other pairings in society. [xxiii] V says that she did not view her husband’s choice of infidelity to relate to race. According to the study mentioned, interracial marriages involving blacks were less stable than other interracial marriages.[xxiv] The discerning Pastoral Caregiver will consider cultural factors, both the caregiver’s own bias, and whether cross-cultural communication problems may exist in the Cagiano’s relationship, or abuses of power. V was a Black military spouse and mother who was dependent on her husband’s income and military benefits for her family’s welfare. Why did he break trust with her? Was it mere failure of integrity, or was there abuse that grew from a deeper level of bias?
A final factor relates to V’s recent birth of twins. Multiple births have been shown to put parents at greater risk of postpartum depression. V acknowledges postpartum struggles with anxiety in her vlog.[xxv] Pastoral caregivers might ask, did V or Jim ever get help for anxiety, and depression? They added to already full lives, two more babies at the same time. This is not to excuse Jim’s infidelity, or to oversimplify V’s struggles but it is to recognize a a factor putting their mental health at risk. Postpartum parenting likely strained Jim’s life,[xxvi] as an older active duty lower enlisted Soldier (31-years-old at the time of their split), and may have contributed to depression and poor decision making. [xxvii] Psychologists researching postpartum recommended increasing psychosocial interventions and treatments available to affected parents.
Part 3: APPLICATION. Notional Context of Care: Valencia and her husband attend the military chapel that I pastor in Fort Eustis, VA. I am not the chaplain of her husband’s unit, but I am the deputy-post chaplain with monthly contact with the Post’s Command Leaders. She asks to meet on Monday afternoon at the chapel, the day she returns to pick up her things and complete her move-out from Jim. During a lengthy phone call from her parents’ home in Jacksonville, FL, she has explained that she is leaving Jim due to his repeated cheating. The presenting issue with V is marital separation due to infidelity. As a pastoral giver, my response to V is important. She has opened up sacred space to speak to me as a minister and as the first military authority made aware of the situation. After our phone call, I prioritize my concerns for her: 1. Safety 2. Material welfare of her and the children, 3. Her spiritual welfare, 4. Navigating the military support system 5. Her husband’s safety. (In real-life I do not know Jim or Valencia.)
Physical Safety. I want to ensure that when V returns to pick up her belongings, she is physically safe. To protect the service member, and out of fear, many spouses avoid speaking to a Soldier’s command about infidelity and marital problems. But by failing to do so, they may unnecessarily endanger themselves. In her initial phone call to me, I did not address the safety concern, but the following day I call to ask if she had considered contacting Jim’s leadership. While doing so might inflame Jim’s anger, it brings the situation to the command’s awareness and allows them to support V and Jim individually. It might also lead to a military protective order (MPO) to keep him from the home, while V collects items that Monday morning. [xxviii]
Material Welfare. V shared her fear of becoming “solely responsible for my children.” Many practical issues confront her. Does she have money? Does she need legal support? Does she need childcare? I would plan to call and explain to her before our meeting that as an Army Spouse she and the children are entitled to resources in Jacksonville at the Naval Air Station: medical care, counseling, chaplain, commissary, clinical social workers, and some legal support.[xxix] V has shared about her incapacitating anxiety and blurred vision. Due to these acute concerns I want her to access care soonest.[xxx]
Church Solidarity. When V arrives to the office, my focus is to listen well. My hope is to assess her spiritual and emotional welfare, and build her up. I want to affirm the courage and rightness behind her decision to leave. I do not want her to blame herself for what has happened. I may tell her that the Christian community at the chapel, while not aware of the details, have expressed that they are praying for her, and miss her family. It could fortify her to know that her church family loves and stands beside her.
Spiritual Welfare. In the case study text, V brings up strong feelings about her sense of worth being wounded by Jim’s cheating and treatment of her. She wants to stop feeling so afraid about the future. V’s feeling of betrayal[xxxi] could lead to strong bitterness toward Jim. She has referred to him as a “Cheater” and as a “Lord Voldemort.” Voldemort is known in the Harry Potter series for cruelty, torture, being a liar and sadist.[xxxii] It is too early to talk to V in depth about forgiveness, or overcoming bitterness, and other aspects of divorce recovery. [xxxiii] But I do want to listen to how she is responding to the grief and anger and point her to God’s unfailing love and protection. Aware that her vlog is public, V’s sharing the private issues in her life might have unintended consequences on her children, her heart and on Jim. This medium could become a vehicle for bitterness, attack and triangulation (should she hope that Jim will view it) that would hurt her soul. Asking her what might be life-giving vs. life-limiting regarding vlog content might be a helpful lens to help her consider how she uses it. A delicate issue that might come up is marriage restoration. I have not heard Jim’s story[xxxiv], and although he attends the chapel, V is my priority. She has reached out to me and she is in the vulnerable position. If she asks whether they should meet together, I will not encourage reconciliation at this time. But I would be open to their meeting with me at the chapel.
CONCLUSION. As I look to help V consider her hope, I will ask her how she envisions her future story in a best case scenario.[xxxv] In the midst of pain she spoke of God’s goodness and said she was grateful for her children, parents and the safe place they’ve provided her to live. Asking her to share more about this gratitude might be another avenue to hear about her story. I hope she will feel safe to speak about the feelings of pain and betrayal too, and theological struggles she might have glossed over in the Vlog. While V wants to be strong and independent, it might help to bring to her attention the dangers of uncritically requiring of herself the SBW paradigm. V is deserving of justice, of grace and self-compassion. With this context, I would encourage V to allow her family, the body of Christ, and God to help carry her in this heartbreaking season. [xxxvi]
It is possible that I may still not understand what V needs most. Perhaps she will express anger at the church or at God. She might “no-show” the scheduled Monday meeting. She could reveal something unexpected–that she wants to mend the marriage. I need to rely on the Holy Spirit. While I deeply want to help her, what I bring will not be enough. But God who cares much more, can sustain her. I think of the paralytic’s friends who lower him through the roof to Jesus. For all V has been through, she should be laid out flat: daily care for twin babies, undeserved infidelity, losing her home, having to move 600 miles, her lost years of professional progress; and the coming challenges of single parenthood, legal adjudications and loss of community. But God is the burden bearer. Jesus bore the cross for her and is Healer. God’s eye is on V and on her children. God will never fail, leave or forsake her. With this in my heart, I would ask Valencia if she would like to pray, and then together ask God to provide, to keep V in peace and to fill her future with the fearlessness she seeks. In God’s perfect Love her fear can be cast aside again and again.
Appendix: Pictures of Valencia and Family
[i] Valencia has uploaded 1337 videos on YouTube (approximately 2-3 posts per week) and has 16.6K followers on Instagram. https://socialblade.com/youtube/user/productjunkiexoxo/monthly. Accessed 6 NOV 2020. Valencia’s monthly earnings on YouTube range from 20-320 dollars. Over 10 years her total earnings are somewhere between $5k to 80K https://www.celeb-networth.com/productjunkiexoxo The point is that she has not earned a living wage, despite having 20 million views. Accessed 6 NOV 2020.
[iii] She describes herself as a “funny mommy vlogger” who shares her ‘unfiltered life.” And explains that she is “a very spirited person” sometimes “a tad bit dramatic.”
[iv] Valencia has 4 children, the twins were born @ DEC 2013 and in 2020, will soon be 7, the older boys are 10 and 13. Names from oldest to youngest: Jordan, Israel, Jullian and Max.
[v] In a different episode, before their marital problems, the couple shared how they first met. Both were waiting in line to buy food at “Chick Fil A.” At the time Jim was doing entry-level marketing for a company contracted by Disney.
[x] Walker-Barnes, Chanequa. I Bring The Voices of My People: A Womanist Vision for Racial Reconciliation. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2019), p. 45.
[xi] Payne, Richard. In a 4 NOV 2020 Class Lecture at Duke Divinity School, Dr. Patrick Smith shared a 2011 clip of Dr. Payne’s Flanigan Lecture address to Physicians, Ethicists and Theologians at the Center for Practical Bioethics in Kansas City. In the lecture he brought up the StrongBlackWoman and the counterpart myth, John Henry, and their suffering at the end of life.
[xii] Walker-Barnes, Chanequa. Too Heavy a Yoke: Black Women and the Burden of Strength. (Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock Publishers, 2014), p. 4. In her text she defines the archetype the StrongBlackWoman. It is “a particular, and fixed, way of being in the world. It is a racialized gender performance, a scripted role into which Black women are socialized, usually beginning in childhood. Rather than being a genuine expression of personality, it is a mask that stifles authenticity, subsuming multifaceted selves behind a singular wall of self-sacrifice and emotional stoicism. The StrongBlackWoman is at once an archetype, a performance, and an ideology. It is, in effect, the hegemonic black femininity.”
[xv] Van Slyke, Ryan D., and Nicholas J. Armstrong. “Communities Serve: A Systematic Review of Need Assessments on U.S. Veteran and Military-Connected Populations.” Armed Forces & Society 46, no. 4 (October 2020): 564–94. https://doi.org/10.1177/0095327X19845030.
[xix] Ross, S.M. 21st Century American Military Families: A Review in the Context of the Wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Sociology Compass, (2014) 8: 888-902. doi:10.1111/soc4.12168
[xx] Ibid. pg. 894.
[xxi] According to one Vlog post, Jim was away for military duties from 16 SEP to 16 OCT 2014. https://youtu.be/zG3ksrrwxcc Accessed 7 NOV 2020.
[xxiv] Ibid. “Research in communication and cultural studies found that social pressures tend to increase social isolation of Black-White unions, especially from the White community, and consequently negatively impact the survival of these marriages.”
[xxvi] Wenze, S. J., Battle, C. L., & Tezanos, K. M. Raising multiples: mental health of mothers and fathers in early parenthood. Archives of women’s mental health, 18(2), (2015) 163–176. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-014-0484-x “Due to a multitude of factors, including increased demands of caring for multiple (often preterm) infants, greater sleep deprivation and sleep interruption, higher financial burden, social isolation, more prenatal medical involvement and physical discomfort, and greater role disruption for both parents, one might anticipate higher risk for perinatal depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems for parents of multiples as compared with parents of single births.”
Accessed November 8th, 2020. Sadly, infidelity is common. In my experience, it is rare for a Commander to bring these charges against a service member for two reasons. There is frequently a positive bias towards the story that the service member has told. Secondly, servicemembers are contributing members of commands, and each one’s welfare and attitude affects morale, to charge the Soldier with this offense could negatively affect morale. If the unit has had a rash of cases of adultery, or if Jim’s performance has already been lacking, then it is more likely he would face Nonjudicial punishment (NJP). At its most severe, if he is convicted by the commander of Article 134, he could lose rank, forfeit a half a month’s pay for two months, and be administratively separated with a dishonorable discharge. Should the commander not send him to NJP, his profile will be raised, and he will potentially suffer in his upcoming evaluation, and lose some of the confidence of his leadership.
[xxx] Commands usually have a spouse liaison who represents the commander to the families, called the Ombudsman or Family Readiness Officer. This could be a great resource to V, and lessen the pastoral caregiver’s task of resource finding.
[xxxi] V references Janet Jackson’s 1993 hit song, ‘That’s The Way Love Goes.’ The lyrics she references are, “Like a moth to a flame, burned by the fire.”
[xxxii] Lis, Eric, and Maria Tuineag. Development and Dark Wizards: Teaching Psychopathology with Lord Voldemort. Academic Psychiatry. 2017. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40596-017-0676-6. The authors share that “Lord Voldemort is the series’ personification of darkness, cruelty, racism, and various other unlikeable characteristics. His story is an elegant reflection of the ways in which modern psychiatry and psychology have conceptualized the development of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) Given that the Harry Potter series establishes that Voldemort is a murderer, liar, torturer, and sadist.
[xxxiii] In the future I hope V would consider attending a divorce care group at a local church. Jacksonville, FL, her new location, does have local chapters available. https://www.divorcecare.org/ Accessed 8 NOV 2020.
[xxxiv] I will ask V in a phone call before our meeting if she would like me to contact Jim. He may be at risk to self-harm, or harm to others, and may simply need pastoral support. If provide pastoral care to both, it would be wise for me to meet with a mentor to debrief, and ensure my spiritual welfare and clarity of sight.
[xxxv] Lester, Andrew D. Hope in Pastoral Care and Counseling. (Louisville, Ky: Westminster John Knox) 1995. pg. 103.
My aim would be to build up her vision for her future, that might be life-sustaining. See Lester’s Future Story paradigm, “Future has been identified as the primary dimension of time consciousness in which the struggle between hope and despair plays itself out during the human pilgrimage. Within the future that is coming toward us we find possibilities and potentialities for our journey”.
[xxxvi] The Apostle exhorts us to “share your burdens one with another and fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2.
“Victorious warriors win first & then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first & then seek to win.”
Sun Tzu孫子,The Art of War, 6th Century B.C.E.
In “another life” I served alongside individuals in the Special Operations community. Many remain dear friends. I would fight for them & alongside them any day for just cause: freedom for the oppressed and establishment of rule of law where anarchy & abuse reign. I believe this is Biblical & humanly speaking—right.
With that said, I believe that wrongful ethical actions in everyday life, even repetitious, poor micro-decisions, sabotage warriors’ ethical compass, and “bang it up” right before it’s needed most-when the burst of choices present themselves in war. We can nurture this compass and win the ethics battle ahead of time, by training ourselves through the reps, sets, and muscle memory gains of choosing right on the daily basis.
I also think that God’s Divine Spirit cares about us, and even the aspects of mastering the craft of war. One of which is gaining a razor sharp, ethical edge, among non-negotiable tools in our warrior’s kit.
So, here’s a short brief I gave to some teammates to help prepare them to carry out just war & live from that center. My hope is that even as the Marines say, we would “keep our Honor clean”, & also that we’d sharpen our ethical North Star each day. For surely it gets nicked & dulled by the ambiguity inherent in dynamic mission sets, the continuous unit level training preparing to kill, and in actioning death to our targets in the battle-space.
We cultivate our decision-center intentionally. On the job and off the job. In the morning and at night. When we make our bed & when we wash the dishes. When we show patience with kids, and when we remember the disabled and burdened. Seneca said, “No man was ever wise by chance.” Ethical decisions spring from preparation, they spring from desert times of knowing ourselves, and public strain when we enter the marketplace. We have to become hungry to “buy the truth and not to sell it.” I’ve found that peer mentors, and especially elders, have been a crucial source for gaining wisdom and learning to cherish it.
The impacts of high-octane operational living can lead even the strongest to feeling like we are careening into oblivion and losing ourself. When we sin, are betrayed, or mortgage our own integrity through selfish choices, sadly there is a steep price paid which can be tough to recover from. Some never recover from the free fall. Premature death, and self-harm, is sometimes the end state when ethical decision-making is ignored due to convenience, or the hubris we fall prey to when we appear to have mastered the deadly craft of war. But life is far too precious for the free fall to rob anymore of my brothers and sisters. They have given the best years of their youth to be sheep dogs for the Nation. We need them. And You, if you’re scanning this, because you are the hero your children and nation need! Even if you only think you’ve done your job, or were second rate compared to a brother or sister who didn’t make it. Ultimately our warriors are loved as “Robbie” and “Sarah” -people with names and elementary schools they attended and grandparents & blood types and unique gifts, and interests beyond war. Loved not for what they do, but who they are before & after war entered their life.
This issue is easy to write about…and read about, but the deepest insights probably come over a cup of coffee with a true friend, or out on rugged mountains, a desert or even on a surfboard in silence on a weekend in Bali like Charlie Keating would do…I think the simplest word for homing in to the ethical center is Grace. We give it to ourselves and we receive it. And its counterpart is “Love which covers over a multitude of sins.”
Blog Author: LCDR Kristian Carlson is a Navy Chaplain. He has served alongside Marines, Sailors, Soldiers, & Special Forces, and has completed three deployments. In 2020, the Navy sent him to Duke University’s Divinity School to earn a specialized Master’s Degree, ThM, in Pastoral Care, where he focused his studies on challenges facing Active Duty personnel, Veterans and their families. His specific areas of interest include care for persons with Complex Trauma, strategies for healing from PTSD, Moral Injury, & mild TBI. A key personal mission of his is to leverage the strengths of faith-based Veteran Service Organizations as strategic partners to chaplains, the VA, and the DoD in their ongoing resiliency & suicide prevention initiatives. He is married to his Chilean sweetheart, Damaris. They have two young children, who are the delight of their hearts.
“Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, Give to God what is God’s.” –Jesus, Mark 12:17
Blog Author: LCDR Kristian Carlson is a Navy Chaplain. He has served alongside Marines, Sailors, Soldiers, & Special Forces, and has completed three deployments. In 2020, the Navy sent him to Duke University’s Divinity School to earn a specialized Master’s Degree, ThM, in Pastoral Care, where he focused his studies on challenges facing Active Duty personnel, Veterans and their families. His specific areas of interest include care for persons with Complex Trauma, strategies for healing from PTSD, Moral Injury, & mild TBI. A key personal mission of his is to leverage the strengths of faith-based Veteran Service Organizations as strategic partners to chaplains, the VA, and the DoD in their ongoing resiliency & suicide prevention initiatives. He is married to his Chilean sweetheart, Damaris. They have two young children, who are the delight of their hearts.
The following article introduces David VanDrunen’s compelling thought on the Christian’s responsibility toward Christ’s Kingdom and the Kingdoms of Men—namely the political state & civic arena. VanDrunen’s insights provide crucial distinctions for military Chaplains who work daily at the dynamic intersection of war, faith, religious expression, peace and the establishment of rule of law. Sometimes this intersection presents challenges to the allegiances we have sworn to the Lord & our respective governments.
Text: Living in God’s Two Kingdoms. Wheaton, IL, Crossway. 2010.Author: VanDrunen, David. (JD Northwestern University, PhD, Loyala University) is Westminster Seminary’s (California) Professor of Systematic Theology and Christian Ethics. He is ordained in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church.
His main argument stems from the Christ and Culture question, engaged by H. Richard Niebuhr and others, “What is a Christian’s place and responsibility within culture?” For VanDrunen (VD), the answer is found in the “two kingdom’s doctrine.” He believes that Scripture shows that there is a Common Kingdom, founded in the Noahic covenant[1], and a Redemptive Kingdom begun in the Abrahamic covenant. The Christian, he believes, is not called to “redemptive work” on this earth of either transformation or restoration– for Christ, the Second Adam, has already achieved this perfectly, (and this world is passing away). Rather the Christian is called to “re-creation gained”[2], given through the sufficient work of Christ, and his focus is to be on the missionary task.
Academically, VanDrunen does not seem to aim to foster conversation with fellow scholars on the topic, rather he functions in his role as a minister and professor, reaching out to build up Laity and to strengthen Reformed ministers in their service.
I enjoyed the book, and ended up reading the majority of the text, even though initially planned to read the introduction and then to skim. I found VanDrunen’s reminder of Christians’ brief journey on earth as a pilgrimage in this strange, passing world, to be a good, orienting, theological reminder. His ecclesiology, with an emphasis on the primary role that the Church should play in the life of a believer was invigorating. VD sees the Church as the redeemed kingdom of God on earth, the Bride that awaits the Bridegroom, the location where the Kingdom of God that Jesus preached is to be practiced. On the other hand, the world that Christians share in common with nonbelievers is one that reflects the blessings of Creation, and the goodness in it.
I did have points of disagreement and caution. A number of classes at Duke Divinity have strongly emphasized God’s call to the Church to address systemic and social sin in the world. We do this not, as VD critiques, as an effort to fulfill the first Adam’s failure, nor to redeem this earth and build a Kingdom here for Christ, but rather as an outflow of God’s redemptive, transformational work in our hearts[3] and because it is a witness to Christ’s Lordship and coming/inaugurated kingdom. Something felt brittle in VD’s theological viewpoint, with a lack of ambiguity, and lack of referencing other thinkers (besides N.T. Wright and Brian McLaren in the introduction). Something seemed to be missing in the beauty and wonder and mystery of our call to engage the world, even as Jesus did in such moving ways. As a Pentecostal minister, I found VD’s silence on Powers to be of concern due to its relevance to the Christ and Culture conversation. The best formulation I have heard, that seems to modify VD’s two Kingdom approach is from Bonhoeffer who said, “I live every day as if it were my last, and every day as if there were a glorious future.”
Discussion Question: How are Evangelical Military Chaplains to engage the secular institutions to which they are called? What is the role of justice-making, transformative redemption? What place is there for witness of a world system that is passing, and under judgment?
Quotations Expressing VanDrunen’s Two Kingdom Doctrine:
“We desire to make the common kingdom better when we can, but we should not try to “transform” it into something other than the common kingdom. We rejoice when our cultural activity contributes to making the common kingdom more just and prosperous, but we are not called to “redeem” it, as if God is saving the common kingdom rather than simply preserving it temporarily.” p. 170
“The New Testament teaches that the natural order as it now exists will come to a radical end and that the products of human culture will perish along with the natural order.” p. 64, alludes to Hebrews 13, “Here we have not a lasting city.”
“There will be a basic Spiritual Antithesis between believers and unbelievers[4] (Gen 3:14-19) but also a great deal of ‘Cultural Commonality.’ “
“The Church is the only institution or community in the present world that can be identified with the kingdom proclaimed by Christ…It is precisely in the Church that the covenant and the kingdom are experienced until Christ returns.” Cross reference with: pgs. 133-134
“We have been justified in Christ…so that we may love and serve our neighbor, for this is the fulfillment of the Law.” pg. 125-126
“The New Testatment calls us to critical engagement with human culture—even while we seek to treat people with charity and generosity, we must remain vigilant and perceptive about the many ways that sin has corrupted human culture in this fallen world.” pg. 126
“God therefore leaves much to the wisdom and discretion of Christians as they make their way in the common kingdom and interact with unbelieving colleagues. Every Christian has the obligation to make morally responsible decisions about his cultural endeavors. But Christians must also be on guard against condemning other Christians’ decisions about matters for which Scripture does not bind the conscience.” p. 162
[1] God told Noah (and humanity) to be fruitful and multiply and promised to not destroy the earth again by flood.
[2] The promise of the new heaven and the new earth. C.F. Page 27.
[3] Dr. Smith describes this in Christian Ethics as our “becoming what we are (have been redeemed to be) in Christ.”
[4] “Because they believe different things, serve different masters, and are headed for different destinies.”
Author: Chaplain Kristian Carlson, M.Div. (Assemblies of God Theological Seminary), Th.M. (Duke Divinity School)
“God brings healing in pastoral care through friendship.” Dr. Anna Kate Shurley
Liz Carlson, The Author’s Sister, who lives with IDD
The Views of this Post are the Author’s and Do Not Reflect Endorsement by the Department of Defense
PART 1: The Prevalence of Trauma Among Those with IDD and a Faith-Based Healing Paradigm
In this post I want to talk about the prevalence of trauma among those with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) and share a healing model which draws insights from theologian, and elementary school teacher, Dr. Anna Kate Shurley. Her paradigm is called the pastoral friendship group model.
Christine Kelly, a Canadian disabilities scholar, writes about the ethics of accessible care. In one of her articles, the reality of abusive care caught my attention.[i] She supported a disabled man without IDD, Killian. [ii] As Kelly shared about Killian’s vulnerability of needing daily support for living, to include help going to the restroom, she wrote, “the potential for daily practices of ‘care’ to veer into pain and oppression is high… the abusive side of care cannot be removed from academic and public understandings.”[iii] Sadly, studies show that abuse of those with IDD is common.[iv] Shelly Rambo, a trauma theologian, explains the complexities of trauma, how it continues and “persists in the present.” In the aftermath some feel “sad all the time.” Trauma is like “an encounter with death…a radical event, or events, that shatters all that one knows about the world and the familiar ways of operating in it.” [v] Trauma’s serious impacts and its prevalence lead me to wonder if churches are ready to be agents of healing alongside traumatized persons with IDD.
I know firsthand a little bit of how trauma and abuse are commonly experienced by those with IDD. In high school at age 17, my sister Liz’s beloved special education teacher, Linda Baisch, died by suicide.[vi] I will never forget hearing the shocking announcement that came that October morning over the school intercom of her death and then seeing my sister’s tears, red face, and swollen eyes, full of inexpressible anguish. Trauma may arise in those with IDD from indirect sources, like the sudden death of loved ones, it may also come directly from abusive behavior of family or care providers.
My sister Liz has chosen not to marry. She has someone special to her heart, Michael, an autistic man from Virginia Beach. Twenty-five years after they attended school together and youth group, he still calls her and sends flowers on occasion (via his mother). But Liz has also received unwanted attention from people which has scared her. She loves to be dropped off at the Post Exchange Shopping Center in Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. She will shop, buy a drink or lunch snack, wander the stores and relax enjoying some autonomy. One day, a man approached Liz and acted inappropriately to her, rubbing her shoulders and asking her to come to his home. My mother could tell when she picked up Liz, that something was wrong. Liz, with effort, explained what had happened. Thankfully, she was never a victim of worse abuse. But many children and adults with IDD are.[vii] In the next section I want to explore some excellent clinical therapies for IDD persons who have suffered trauma and discuss ways that pastors and Christians can minister in Christ-honoring, trauma-informed ways to IDD persons.
Part 2: Exploration OF Trauma among those with IDD and a Call to Respond to Their Needs
The prevalence of trauma is likely much higher than most pastors understand. The issue presents a justice issue that Christians should consider. The National Child Trauma Support Network (NCTSN) cites a report that, “Children with developmental disabilities are twice as likely as those without IDD to experience emotional neglect and physical or sexual abuse; twice as likely to be bullied; and three times as likely to be in families where domestic violence is present.” [viii] Not only are such individuals more dependent, but they are likely to be more physically and emotionally vulnerable. A leading disabilities researcher, Dr. John Keesler, warns that incidences of trauma are being missed among those with IDD. They may lack verbal speech. They may appear behaviorally to act out in disruptive ways. They may feel ashamed, or uncertain of the words to use to describe their experience. He advocates for “trauma-informed-care” due to the “prevalence of trauma” across the IDD population and the potential that it is the “root cause of an individual’s distress.” [ix]
Thankfully, first line trauma-specific treatments for persons with IDD exist and have been shown to be effective. They include Trauma-Focused CBT, child–parent psychotherapy, exposure therapy, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapies. [x] In addition, clinics are emerging around the country with specific focus on treating IDD children with trauma. NCTSN has released a tool kit engineered specifically to help “clinicians disentangle what might be symptoms of trauma from behaviors related to IDD.” [xi] But Dr. Keesler cautions that ineffective therapies–medication and behavior supports– have been predominately used among the IDD population to address trauma.[xii]
The availability of trauma-informed care for children and adults with IDD is a justice and access issue for the Church. [xiii] Scholar and Rabbi Julia Watts Belser mourns the frequent subjugation of the bodies of the disabled and warns that too often the church hasn’t been “physically accessible or socially hospitable”: the healing site that God intended. [xiv] Perhaps what inhibits pastors and Christians from ministering to traumatized individuals with IDD is fear from lack of training, but also a subtle ableism, which perhaps unconsciously, has a low estimation of such persons’ ability to experience healing.[xv] Trauma Theologian Kathy Black urges us to action, “Where are the leaders today who are willing to stop and model attention to and respect for those on the margins?” [xvi] Dr. Barton concurs, adding that the Bible’s call for justice motivates Christian communities to “confront injustices related to access and disability.” [xvii] In the concluding section I envision a model which could help advance traumatic healing resources at churches that is widespread and easily accessed by those with IDD and their family in Christ. [xviii]
Part 3: a Path Forward
Dr. Judith Herman, a foundational thinker in complex trauma care, explains the trauma recovery steps. They begin with a healing relationship and safety, then progress to remembrance and mourning, and into reconnection. Dr. Keesler advocates that providers learn trauma-informed care (TIC) to “reduce further harm and begin the healing process.” [xix] The foundations of such care—safety, trustworthiness, choice, collaboration, and empowerment—are nourished in “positive human relationships.” [xx] While Keesler wrote not for churches but for the therapeutic community, the foundations of TIC he encourages match well with insights from disability theologian Anna Kate Shurley’s pastoral friendship model. Her model adapts well to trauma-informed ministry settings.
Her description of intentional small groups within a congregation called “Pastoral Friendship Groups” (PFG) seems ideal for the healing and safety needed by traumatized IDD adults. She explains that in pastoral friendship, “Christians engage one another gladly in the practices of mutual sharing, listening, and assisting. They do so… [from] the koinonia that is central to Christian care.” [xxi] In these groups, “members may acknowledge losses, traumas, or grief they have suffered and share what they need in order to experience healing.” [xxii] Other practices of the PFG meetings might include, “lament, intercession, reciting the Lord’s prayer, and singing together.” [xxiii] Shurley argues that, “Not even the most profound intellectual disability can keep a person from participating in a loving, caring, pastoral friendship.” [xxiv]
Insights from other disabilities theologians could be incorporated into Shurley’s friendship group model. PFG “leaders” could weave into the ethos of their ministry alongside IDD brothers and sisters the ability to “remain” in the difficult in-between spaces of trauma.[xxv] Please see Appendix 1 for trauma-informed principles which might support pastoral-friendship groups led among those with IDD who have survived trauma.
It is important that pastors not just refer out persons with IDD who experience trauma. If all therapeutic care for IDD adults with trauma flows from medical and social work providers but not from Christian community, significant spiritual needs will be unmet. Having a fantastic therapist, or participating in a 12-week trauma small group, cannot replace life-long Christian community. [xxvi]
Conclusion: The Witness of our IDD Sisters and Brothers
I would like to close with a story of a traumatic incident which happened to my sister Liz. I share the story to illustrate how beautiful prophetic insights, needed by the Church, can arise after trauma is experienced by those with IDD. These people of God brighten the witness of the Church and underscore the mutuality of pastoral friendships. Shurley explains, “People with intellectual disabilities…need to hear the good news that God has equipped all of God’s saints for ministry-including them.” [xxvii] A scholar and parent of a child with IDD, Jill Ruth Harshaw, writes in accord: “Persons with intellectual disabilities (must be) recognized as those who have something important, even vital, to say to the church and to individual believers who seek to live an authentically Christian corporate and personal life in an increasingly volatile world.” [xxviii]
My sister Liz experiences significant mobility problems due to large motor skill difficulties and the heavier weight of her body. When my parents were away from home one day, she tripped on a rug when the flooring bowed under her. She fell and hit her face on a wooden end table. The fall was so hard that it broke a piece of the table. In this traumatic event, as her face was bleeding profusely, her tooth jammed deep in her gum, and her upper lip severely cut, she felt God’s near presence. Privately she later told my mother that God said to her, “Do you trust me Liz?” She answered, “Yes.” She then told my mom that she felt an angel help her get up from the floor. What a witness to my family of God’s healing, constant presence! This is the kind of rare testimony that will edify the Church.
There seems to be the possibility for truer witness in the Church if we will love well the persons with IDD in our midst who have experienced trauma. This witness will act with the compassion of the Samaritan; it will use the healing hands of the Great Physician; it will speak with the tenderness of the Lord who called his own, “friends.” Pastors, who are trauma-informed in this way, will help churches to “think trauma”[xxix] as they engage those with IDD and equip Christians to minister with these beloved fellow women and men of God.
Auntie Liz, beloved by 28 nieces and nephews–is also a woman admired by many for her faith, joy and wisdom
*Wong, Alice. 2020. Disability Visibility. New York, NY: Vintage Books.
APPENDIX 1: Trauma-Informed Care Principles for Pastoral Friendship Group’s among Traumatized Persons with Individual and Developmental Disabilities
Interdependent Community
Kathy Black explains how healing emerges from “interdependent Christian Community” and happens when the well-being God offers is experienced.” [xxx] She notes how healing of inner wounds leads to well-being and peace.
Being in friendship groups with traumatized persons with IDD will likely be a long-term healing process. Dr. Barton writes that “it can become easy in stressful or serious situations to focus on problems or deficits.” [xxxii] She advocates a ‘strengths-based approach’ in disabilities work. Pastoral friendship groups could take Barton’s idea and apply it in healing ways to traumatized persons with IDD. Focus on each person as a gift! One must persevere to see their strengths in the midst of their loss, confusion, and perhaps non-verbal cues of pain.
Appropriate Physical Touch Can be Healing [xxxiii]
Black writes, “God can transform our lives through the healing touch of an interdependent community of faith.” This reminds me of my friend Michael’s question to me, “Will I ever get a hug again before Jesus comes.” Michael has moderate to severe autism. The restrictions of the pandemic have kept him from the physical touch at church and in public that sustain him. Bethany Fox explains that at her church, each person has different levels of touch with which they feel comfortable. Attendees wear corresponding color name tags to explain this. In a trauma-informed group, sensitivity to need for appropriate touch or no touch would be very important. But given that so many adults with IDD are especially sensory in communication, there is no doubt that touch be healing in the safety and koinonia of Pastoral Friendship groups.
Healing is Possible
“Recognizing wholeness”, a principle of disability justice points to such healing and seems crucial to developing a trauma-informed pastoral care model for those with IDD. [xxxiv] Jill Ruth Harshaw’s thought pushes us to consider how even those with profound IDD can experience healing. She explains, “The crucial factor here is not human ability or disability but the accompanying presence of God.” [xxxv]
The Beauty of Each Person
Another principle of disability justice is “Collective Liberation”: “A world in which every body and mind is known as beautiful.” [xxxvi] How broken and isolated must be the hearts and minds of those with IDD who have experienced complex trauma, especially from attendants and family members whom they trusted and depended upon. What courage and difficulty to voice, or show without words, their pain, and hope for healing.
Compassion and Empathy
Kathy Black writes, “Whenever we struggle in life, God sits beside us & helps us cry.” [xxxvii] Fox, who pastors among persons with IDD, advocates for “presence with compassion.”
Respect
What does the traumatized person with IDD want? How do they perceive healing? Bethany Fox reminds us that Jesus asked those to be healed what they desired.[xxxviii] Fox offers seven principles for healing which could inform Pastoral-Friendship care being developed by a church.[xxxix] Her reminders are insightful: attend to the body in healing and transformation, remember how healing will impact and open doors to transformation of the larger community, clarify identity, and finally, enlarge imagination.
END NOTES
[i] Kelly, Christine. 2013. “Building Bridges with Accessible Care: Disability Studies, Feminist Care
Scholarship, and Beyond”. Hypatia. 28 (4): 784-800. Dr. Kelly writes from a Feminist and Disabilities perspective.
[ii] Kelly, Christine. “Building Bridges.” 786. Kelly writes about the “about entangling quality of the gendered politics of care.”
[iii] Ibid, 790-91. Kelly writes further, “These moments are awkward because they make us acutely aware of the layered power dynamics inherent in our female/male, disabled/ nondisabled, and clothed/unclothed embodiment that we more typically prefer to ignore, as it brings the abusive potential of care uncomfortably close to the surface.”
[iv] Trauma and Intellectual/Developmental Disability Collaborative Group. “The impact of trauma on
youth with intellectual and developmental disabilities: A fact sheet for providers.” 2020. 2. Los
[v] Rambo, Shelly. Spirit and trauma: theology of remaining. Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press,
2010. 2-4.
[vi] I have mentioned my sister Elizabeth “Liz” Carlson in a previous paper. She has significant intellectual and development disabilities likely stemming from partial paralysis of her brain at birth due to a lack of oxygen. Her teacher, Linda, was a compassionate friend, and light to the young people she served at Cox High School.
[xii] Keesler, J.M. “Trauma‐Specific Treatment.” Keesler cites two studies, “Furthermore, despite a lack of evidence, psychopharmacology and behavior supports have been the dominant modes of treating trauma sequelae within this population due to a lack of trauma-specific treatments (Barol & Seubert, 2010; Fuld, 2018; Willner, 2015).
[xiii] Barton, Sarah Jean. 2021. “Access and Disability Justice in Theological Education.” 1. Barton notes access as a disability justice issue, “Accessibility proves a pressing area of needed investigation and intervention.”
[xiv] Belser, Julia Watts. 2015. “Violence, Disability, and the Politics of Healing: The Inaugural Nancy Eiesland
Endowment Lecture”. Journal of Disability & Religion. 19 (3). Quoting Eisland Belser writes, “The history of the church’s interaction with the disabled is at best an ambiguous one. Rather than being a structure for empowerment, the church has more often supported societal structures and attitudes that have treated people with disabilities as objects of pity and paternalism. For many disabled persons, the church has been a “city on the hill”—physically inaccessible and socially inhospitable.” 185. She shares the thought of Jasbir Puar that, “Bodies bear the consequences of ethnic, gender, and class marginality…a pervasive experience of subjugated bodies. Disability is central to the corporeal architecture of domination.” 191.
[xv] Belser, Julia Watts. “Violence, Disability.” 194. Belser addresses that “ableist notions of disability as a pitiable state overwrite the resilience, the grit, the agency of disabled bodies.”
[xvi] Black, Kathy. 1996. A healing homiletic: preaching and disability. Nashville: Abingdon Press. 186.
[xvii] Barton, Sarah Jean. “Access and Disability Justice” 7. Barton cites Jennie Weiss Block.
[xviii] Belser, Julia Watts. “Violence, Disability.” 187. “But this is the power of eschatology: to dare us to dream, to unmoor our hope from the fetters of the feasible.”
[xix] Keesler, J.M. “Trauma‐Specific Treatment.” 343. He explains that professional licensing and graduate level training is not required to learn trauma-informed care principles. It is something that “all…providers” can provide.
[xxv] Rambo, Shelly. Spirit and trauma: theology of remaining. Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press,
2010. “Remaining” is a key idea of Rambo’s in ministering to those who have experienced complex trauma.
[xxvi] Wong, Alice. 2020. Disability visibility. New York, NY: Vintage Books. Part Two of Wong’s book (85-89) features Ricardo Thornton. Thornton (a man with IDD) testified to the Senate after growing up in a state-run home, “There’s no such thing as a good institution.” Many persons with IDD are all too familiar with the deficits of institutional care.
[xxvii] Shurley, Anna Katherine Ellerman. “Pastoral care”, 100-101.
[xxviii] Harshaw, Jill Ruth. 2010. “Prophetic Voices, Silent Words: The Prophetic Role of Persons with Profound Intellectual Disabilities in Contemporary Christianity.” Practical Theology. 317.
[xxix] The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. “Intersection of Trauma and Disabilities: Tookit.” 1.
[xxx] Black, Kathy. 1996. “A healing homiletic.” Black succinctly writes, “God wills our well being.”
[xxxi]Shurley, Anna Katherine Ellerman. “Pastoral care”, 99.
[xxxii] Barton, Sarah. “Discipleship and Disability Class: Pastoral Care and Practical Reflections Mini Lecture.” PDF, Duke Divinity School, Durham, NC, March 1st, 2021.
[xxxiv] Barton, Sarah Jean. “Access and Disability Justice” 10. Barton cites Berne et al., “Recognizing wholeness: ‘People who experience access and learning barriers are whole people. This principle of disability justice frames each individual, whether disabled or nondisabled, as ‘full of history and life experience…composed of their own thoughts, sensations, emotions, fantasies, perceptions, and idiosyncrasies.’”
[xxxviii] Barton, Sarah. “Discipleship and Disability Class: Implications for Christian Ethics Mini Lecture.” PDF, Duke Divinity School, Durham, NC, March 15th, 2021. Barton cites Dr. Bethany Fox’s Chapter 5 from “Disability and the Way of Jesus.”
[xxxix] Swinton, John, and Bethany McKinney Fox. 2019. Disability and the Way of Jesus: Holistic Healing in the
Gospels and the Church. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press. Rev. Dr. Fox, Founder of Beloved Everybody Church, offers this excellent list of “Seven Marks of Healing in the Way of Jesus. 1.“Positive Reception by the Person Receiving Healing 2. “Attention to the Body and its Healing/Transformation.”3.“Presence with Compassion 4.“Impact on and Transformation of the Larger Community.” 5.Clarifying Identities” 6.“Transformation on Multiple Levels 7.“Expanding categories and enlarging imagination.
[i] Shurley, Anna Katherine Ellerman. “Pastoral care”, 90. “Pastoral Caregivers are not healers; they are agents of God’s healing though the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Kristian Carlson 
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